Faith, Hope & Love, but the Greatest is Love!

Greetings from Gulu!!

2010-08-06T03:21:00.000-07:00

Greetings from Gulu, Uganda!!

It has been a week since I have been in Gulu now & I wanted to get out a quick hello to all of my friends & family!

It is hard for me to even begin to put my experience into words to tell you, but in short, my time here has been absolutely, 100%, totally & completely WONDERFUL & AMAZING!!!!

I arrived in Gulu on Thursday, July 29th. I spent the first night in a hotel in town as the Mama’s at the orphanage needed a bit more time to prepare for my arrival. On Friday morning, I went to the school that 98% of the children attend and greeted all of the classrooms before I arrived at Home of Love Orphanage.

From the first minute that I arrived at Home of Love, I felt at home, at peace & a happiness that can only be experienced when you feel that your heart is complete. The children have warmed up to me far quicker than I thought, I have adjusted to my surroundings better than I anticipated and over all, my time here has been one of the happiest weeks I have ever had in my entire life!

When I came here, I “thought” I would have electricity…I was incorrect in this thought. :) I’m living with no running water, no electricity, taking bucket baths (with COLD water from the bore hole), waking up to cockroaches, dead lizards in the water barrel & flying fruit bats, squeaking animals waking me up in the middle of the night and loving it all!! The Mama’s & Auntie’s (the adults that run Home of Love) have taken me in as their daughter, the children have welcomed me as their sister/Auntie. I truly cannot express my full heart and love I feel for these children!!

As many of you remember from my last trip, I was able to connect with a girl named Sarah at Home of Love that I had been praying for, for a year before I arrived in Gulu. Sarah has been praying for me and drawing pictures for me over the last year, she has been my closest little friend and such a true gem that the Lord has put on this earth. Our bond has grown stronger and developed into a true friendship that I cherish deeply. We eat dinner together every night, she makes sure I have everything I need, she helps translate for me & makes me laugh unlike anybody else.

I could go on & on about my love for the children here, for the joy I feel and the happiness I feel, but I will leave you with this thought...It is because of all of YOU that I am able to be here. It is because of YOU that I am feeling this intense sense of strength, joy & love. I am humbled by your love & support for myself and Mikaelyn. I truly could not have done this without all of your support…it means more to me than I could ever express.

Please continue to pray for me as I have only 1 more week with my children (I’ve been told not to call them kids, as I would be calling them baby goats :)), please pray for my health and safety and that the Lord will continue to fill my heart and allow me to give everything I have for these wonderful little ones that deserve the world!! Please also pray for the children and staff at Home of Love as we have several that are suffering from Malaria at this time. It is the start of the rainy season, so the mosquito’s are very bad at this time.

Thank you again for all that you have given to me, for your support, your love & your continued prayers! Again, I am humbled by your graciousness!

Sending love & big hugs to all!!
Sarah Jean

PS – I was able to Skype with Mikaelyn on Tuesday and she is doing very well with my parents. Mikaelyn, thank you for being such a good girl!! Mama is SO proud of you & I can’t wait to see you & tell you all about our Ugandan friends!! They love you & pray for you every single day!! Mom & Daddy, thank you for giving of yourselves so unselfishly & loving Mikaelyn with such great care!! I love you & miss you!! Bugaboo…Je t’aime!! xoxo

Greetings From Uganda!

2010-07-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

Yes, you read that correctly, I MADE IT!!

I finally arrived yesterday (Wednesday) about 8am and am quickly settling into what life is like here. My friend Ivan was gracious enough to come pick me up at the airport, get me settled into a hotel room and then take me for some coffee, do a little shopping and then dinner later. It’s great to see him again and feels like it was just last week that I was here with my whole team from Westminster.

Security is EXTREMELY high right now which has been a bit more challenging (or shall I say annoying) at times, but I think it’s good that they’re actually protecting those that are here as much as they can. Many of you heard about the bombings that happened in Kampala a few weeks back while so many were watching the World Cup, which started all the extra security, but then they also just finished the African Summit here in Kampala as well, with leader & dictators from all over Africa coming together to discuss how to help the woman & children of Africa. I saw several large, nice (a relative term here) cars with flags on them and police escorts screaming down the street, which to say the least was interesting.

It is almost 4am here & I just happened to wake up and look at my computer and saw that I had an internet connection, so I jumped on as quick as possible to send a quick update and check my emails and things. I’ll go back to sleep in a bit & then I’ll have some breakfast here at the hotel & then Ivan is picking me up & we will head up to Gulu about 10am. Since I am now on “African time”…this could mean we leave anywhere between 10am (HIGHLY unlikely) and 1pm…ahh, it’s so calm here…everything moves much slower (other than cars on the road)! :)

My hotel is very nice with a gorgeous view overlooking the hilltop! We came home from dinner last night to find a bunny hopping around in the yard. Apparently it lives here. It’s the same type as my rabbit at home, just black, so it makes me feel at home here with that extra touch.

I want to thank you all again for your prayers & support! I am thrilled to be back “home” and look forward to seeing all of the children at Home of Love orphanage in a few short hours!! I still can’t believe that this is real!

I’ll do my best to update as I’m able. Please be praying for a safe drive to Gulu (about 3 ½ hours) and then for health and safety for me while I’m in Gulu and of course, that of the children that live there. Pray that the Lord will use me for what He has brought me to do here & that it will be abundantly clear what my roll will be here on this trip & as I look towards the future!

Blessings to all of you from Kampala, Uganda!!

Love, Sarah Jean

To Mikaelyn: I love you sweetie & pray for you every time I think about you…which is a lot!! Everybody sends their love to you & they can’t wait until you can come to Uganda and meet them all too! Be a good girl for your Grandma & Papa & pray for me every day!! Love you Bugaboo!

Don't Praise Me

2010-07-26T17:05:00.000-07:00

As I am sitting here at the airport, awaiting my flight to London & then on to Entebbe, Uganda, I am thinking about all the wonderful people that have supported my efforts in getting back to the children at Home of Love Orphanage in Gulu, Uganda. It is overwhelming to think of all of the love & support I have received from people from all walks of my life! People that have known me for just a few months, to people that have known my family my entire life.

Over the past few weeks, over & over I have had people tell me how brave I am, what an incredible thing I am doing, how wonderful I am to give of myself to help others etc. etc... Now, let me start by saying, of course I am GRATEFUL for all of the nice comments, they really do mean a lot to me.

But, here is where I struggle...

This was not a choice for me. I do not deserve any praise for what I am doing. I have been called to help and all I am doing is answering that call.

Everybody has a different calling. Sometimes it's to another country, while other times, it is to the person down the street who needs you. It is up to each of us to listen to our hearts to figure out what our "calling" is individually. It is our responsibility to ANSWER that call. I knew from the moment I started learning about Uganda, that it was no accident that it touched my heart.

I have been blessed and honored to have been able to travel there once and now, I return. Why? Because it is the right thing to do. Because I can open up the eyes & hearts of those around me and educate them on what is going on in another part of the world. Not because I want to receive adoration or praises, but simply because it is my duty!!

Thank you does not begin to express all that I am feeling right now, and yet, this is all I have to give. Again, I am humbled by the support I have received and wish there was some way to show all of my gratitude.

For now, though, I leave you with this verse, my favorite!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him & He will direct your paths! Proverbs 3:5-6

Please keep me in your thoughts & prayers for safe travel, health and that this one tiny person (me) can make some sort of impact on those that I am fighting for!!

Thank you again, I am truly honored to have all of you as a part of my journey!!
Love, Sarah Jean

PS...please also pray for my parents as they are caring for Mikaelyn. And pray for Mikaelyn as she is away from both Mama & Daddy for almost a month. She is happy and healthy, and I am thankful that she is with my parents who love her (almost) as much as I do!!!

Less than 1 Week Until Uganda!

2010-07-21T08:24:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends!

What an incredible journey this has been and yet, it has only just begun! I leave for Uganda in 5 days & I have to be honest in telling you, I am getting VERY anxious…but extremely excited!

Here’s a brief update of how things are going…

Mikaelyn is flying to Michigan (actually she’s flying into Chicago & then driving to Michigan) and being picked up by my parents this afternoon. This is a big change of plans, but she is very excited about flying by herself. I’m a nervous wreck today, but I know that she will be just fine and will THRIVE off of the extra attention she’ll receive by the flight attendants… she IS my child after all! :)

I have the next few days to get myself organized and finalize all of the supplies I need to bring over to the kids at Home of Love Orphanage. They have been told that I AM going to be there & from what I’ve heard, they’re very excited for my arrival. Just thinking about pulling up to the gate of the orphanage makes my heart race with excitement!

I have been blown away by the generosity of my friends and family in supporting this trip both financially and emotionally for me. I was able to purchase t-shirts for all of the kids at the orphanage and the money has already been wired to Gulu & they are printing the shirts right now. I’ll have the opportunity to pass out the shirts to all of the children while I’m there…what an honor!

Several people have asked if there is a still a financial need…Here is what I can say: there is ALWAYS a need!! I have been blessed to have raised support for my entire trip and for that I am overwhelmingly grateful. However, my original hope was to be able to purchase some sporting supplies in-country to bring to the kids in Gulu and I have not been able to raise enough funds for those items. If this is something that you may be interested in, there is still time to send money before I leave.

If you would like to send support for supplies, send a tax deductible check made payable to:

ACTION International Ministries

Mail it to me at:

Sarah Jean Groenink
PO BOX 313
Kirkland, WA 98083

My hope is that I will be able to send out periodic emails while I’m away, but I’m not sure how much internet connection I’ll have. I will however be updating my Facebook every so often from my Blackberry, so if you don’t have me on Facebook, you can add me: www.facebook.com/sjgroenink.

I want to thank you all again for your love, support & faith in me as I continue this journey to where my passion lies! I truly would not have been able to do this without you!!

Humbly,

Sarah Jean
(206) 432-1466
sjgroenink@att.net

Updated on Uganda In-Country Fundraising!

2010-06-01T11:49:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends!

Blessed doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now, thinking of all of you that are supporting me in my efforts in Gulu, Uganda! It is indescribable and I am truly humbled.

I wanted to give you a quick update on my upcoming trip, which is just 8 weeks away now!! Thank you to so many of you that are supporting me financially, giving me the ability to pay for my plane ticket, I was able to purchase it a few weeks ago…so it’s all very real now! I leave Seattle Monday July 26, and fly out of Uganda Monday August 16, spending 24 hours in London with my best friend and returning to Seattle on Tuesday August 17, the day before Mikaelyn’s birthday! Mikaelyn will be flying to Michigan to spend several weeks with my parents…we’re still working on the details, but we will have someone (possibly my little brother) fly her there and then my Mom will return with her…details, details…

For those of you that are still interested in donating and supporting my trip, there is still time!! I am now raising funds for all of my in-country expenses including, food, room/board/hotels (3 nights), in-country transport (the drive from the Capitol, where I arrive, to Gulu is approx. 4 hours each way), as well as the projects that I will be working on with the children. Some of the projects include:

Beads for their bracelets/necklaces that they make and sell
Sporting equipment (purchased in-country) i.e. soccer balls, tennis balls, jump ropes etc.
Origami art
Tye-dye T-shirts (or we may do fabric markers for the kids to design their own shirt)
Christmas cards (this is my MAIN project)
Postage for Christmas cards
Supplies such as chalk, glitter, glue sticks, paper, scissors etc.

The more funds I am able to raise, the more supplies I am able to bring with me and purchase more sporting equipment in Kampala (Capitol).

I am so deeply grateful for all of you standing beside me on this journey and am looking forward to these next few weeks of planning, organizing and preparing! If you’re interested in seeing a breakdown of my costs, I would be happy to forward that on to you. I know that wonderful things are going to come from this & the children will have so much fun.

Thank you again for your continued support and ask that you continue to pray for these next few weeks to run smoothly. I know the Lord will provide and I am again, so grateful for all of you and your generosity!!

Afoyo Matek (Thank you very much in Lewl)
Sarah Jean

An Update on my Uganda Trip!

2010-04-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

Hello my friends,

I want to start by saying thank you to all of those that have sent prayers, letters, emails, phone calls/texts and financial support for my upcoming Uganda trip in July!

I wanted to give a quick update to let you all know how things are progressing…

I am still in need of approximately $1,100 in order to purchase my plane ticket ($2,410) and am hoping to do so by April 30th or I will lose my reservation. Due to the World Cup and Summertime, airfare is quite pricey and space is limited. If you’re interested in supporting me financially, I would greatly appreciate your help in these coming weeks as this is the first and largest task that I need to accomplish.

I have priced out all of the sporting equipment for the children and I’m working on raising the money for these items as well.

I have been in touch with ACTION International in Gulu and have heard that the children are excited for my return and eager to show me the electricity they had connected last month! I can hardly wait to get my arms around those sweet kids!

I pray daily that the Lord will use me to do HIS work and that the children will have open hearts and minds to the work that I look forward to helping with.

Again, I appreciate all of your support as I continue following my passion on this journey! Thank you!!

I have attached a response card for your convenience if you feel led to support me in this way.

In His hands,

Sarah Jean Groenink
sjgroenink@att.net

Yes, I'm still here...

2010-03-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

It has been ages since I've posted, I know, I know!
I won't get into the why of it all, but I can honestly say, the past few months have been some of my best ever! Here are just a few of the highlights:

1) I am working from home FULL TIME now...yes, I know, I'm lucky! I love every minute of it.
2) Mikaelyn is doing FABULOUS in school!
3) I'm back in the gym 4 days a week for an hour at a time...LOVE IT!
4) I bought myself a new mattress and am thoroughly enjoying sleep again
5) I am planning my next trip to Uganda...BY MYSELF, in July and I can hardly wait!
6) Mikaelyn continues to grow physically, mentally & spritually and I am deeply proud of my little girl!

Although a lot of transition has happened in the last 6 months, I feel completely blessed and know that I am in such a good place right now! I have been shown so much grace and I am so grateful for all the Lord has and continues to provide for myself and my family!

Here are just a few snap shots of the past few months:

Mikaelyn & I headed out to an 80's Roller Skating Party

Roller Skating at Skate King!

Mikaelyn & Michelle Skating!

Mikaelyn, Michelle & I

Mikaelyn making her new Build-A-Bear Unicorn

Chance (Jenni's son) making his Build-A-Bear Monkey

The "fluffing" machine

Kaiser, Ilona, Christian, Mikaelyn and Eva (behind the tree)

My nephews & nieces (missing one niece - still in the womb) and Mikaelyn together at the zoo

2 of our babies, Kota & Rayla cuddling...as usual!

Uganda Support Letter

2010-03-15T14:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

It is with great excitement that I write to tell you of my plan to return to Gulu, Uganda! It has been almost a year since I returned and from the day I stepped off of that plane, I have been praying, planning and preparing for my next adventure to where I left a large piece of my heart.

In late 2009, Angie Lauer, the Supervisor for Home of Love Orphanage with ACTION International in Gulu, where I worked last year, came home to the Seattle area on furlough. As we met together, Angie shared the need for assistance at the orphanage with organizing the database as well as streamlining and maintaining the Child Sponsorship program. At the same time I have been praying about how to use my God-given skills for a higher purpose. It seems as if this opportunity has been gently placed in my lap as an answer to my prayers.

The plan has evolved and here I am writing to my friends and family to ask for your prayers and support as I plan to travel back to Gulu, Uganda July 26 - August 16, 2010 to do work for the Orphanage and immerse myself in the culture and with the children at Home of Love. I ask that you pray for me as I continue to plan and organize this trip, for my safety and health, for Mikaelyn's comfort while I'm away and for my Mom as she cares for an energetic 5 1/2 year old. I also ask that you pray that the Lord will guide me in these weeks before and during my trip and above all, that everything I do with glorify Him! This is His trip and I am grateful for the opportunity that He has provided for me.

Because I am traveling alone, I am solely responsible for raising the support for my travel expenses, transport while in country, food and projects I work on with the children, one of which will be providing supplies and postage for the children's Christmas cards. The total cost of this trip is approximately $4,000. If you would like to be a part of this journey with me, please return the response card, noting prayer and/or financial contribution. Please notate my name on the tax deductible check made payable to: ACTION International Ministries.

I am deeply honored to have been offered this volunteer position of Child Sponsorship Assistant to Home of Love. If this is something that touches your heart, I would love to have you partner with me. Thank you for your prayer, financial support and the love that you have offered to me!

In his hands,

Sarah Jean

Who is YOUR BFF??

2009-10-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

This is something that I have wrestled with practically all my life! Here is a list of my BFF's since I was born...in order of when they received that "Title":

1) Jenifer
2) Heidi
3) Candy
4) Nicole
5) Kayleen
6) Abbey
7) Katie
8) Niki
9) Sabrina
10) John
11) Erin
12) Kristina
13) Sosha
14) Anthony
15) Kim
16) Heather
17) Nissa

Phew...I think that's about it...

I heard on the radio the other day, that children supposedly meet their "BFF" (Best Friend Forever) at the young age of 3! I can honestly say that ALMOST all of these people I am still friends with to this day and consider a very select few CLOSE friends of mine. So many have been through so much with me, both good and bad.

But here is where I struggle...to how many of them, am I their one TRUE best friend?? I'm not...I don't have that ONE person that I talk to or text EVERY single day, that I can talk to about anything, that knows me inside and out, that understands why I do the things I do. That ONE person that trusts me with their heart and soul and knows that NO MATTER WHAT, I will do anything to protect them. To be honest, I've never had that...ever.

Now, before I go on, let's just take #14 out of this...kind of. Anthony is the Father of my child and the man that I share my life with right now. Yes, he is there for me and I love him dearly...but even he doesn't give me everything I need in a BFF. Yes, he is the 1st person I call if there is any issue with our daughter, or if something is going on with work and vice versa...but it is just different. What I'm talking about is someone OUTSIDE of 'family' that I can go to and trust with everything.

I have struggled with this all my life. I have tried to do anything I can to find a REAL BFF, but can't seem to find the 'right' person to fill the position. Over the years I have fought with, cried with and loved dearly all the people in the above list and have very special memories with all of them individually, and am blessed to continue my relationship with many of them, but I long for that ONE person. Every time I consider someone my BFF...they always have ANOTHER BFF. Now don't get me wrong. I don't expect to be the ONLY friend, I mean seriously, that's just silly. But there is something about that 'title', that to me, means more, and feel like there should be that ONE person.

Several friends have been MY best friend, but I have not been THEIR best friend. And I don't really know why? I have lost sleep over this, wondering if it's something wrong with me? Why am I not good enough to be THEIR best friend? I'm still trying to figure this all out and hope that someday things will become clearer.

My friend Jenni and I got together over this past weekend in the Portland area where she lives and talked about the "olden days"...holy crap, am I OLD ENOUGH to even say that?! Anyway, we talked about our MAJOR insecurities in High School, the ways we felt, the things we remembered...and many things that we didn't remember, but the other person did. It's amazing to me how everybody seems to think that I had it all together in H.S. I mean, here I was a cheerleader 3 years, 2 of them being all-american, good grades, a car (not like it's anything to write about, but I DID have a vehicle), everybody knew who I was, my Senior year I was dating one of the best looking and nicest guys in school, and was overall pretty well liked (I think).

What most people DIDN'T see was the indescribable insecurities and hurt I had in my heart! Very few saw what I did to my body when I was anorexic and bulimic. The way I turned to "bad" things instead of turning to a real person for help. The way my heart broke when I was left out, or the MANY tears I cried because I didn't have any REAL friends! My younger years, although in hindsight were MUCH easier than they are now...were VERY painful and difficult for me.

Jenni & I met with one of our fellow Cheerleaders, Carole on Sunday for lunch and discussed these very things. Carole said something that was SO true...how she wished that someone would have put ALL the girls in one room and said, look around, ALL of you are feeling the SAME thing, the SAME insecurities and the SAME discomfort in life! I think I 'looked' like I had it 'together' because that's what I portrayed, but if only I knew that SO many, including Jenni & Carole were feeling the exact same way, it could have all been different, not only for me, but for so many others.

So, now that I'm older, and a mother with a career, I still question WHO is my BFF?? Well, in the physical world, I don't really have a BFF...I have a select few CLOSE friends. But even without my ONE TRUE BFF, I know that I have people that would be there for me in a heartbeat if anything happened, or if I really needed them. Jenni is one of those people on that short list. After 13 years of only seeing each other probably once or twice, we have rekindled, or rather, re-started a new friendship, based on Christ, love and trust. The Lord has put us back in touch for a reason and I believe that it has been His perfect timing that brought us together!

BUT, even though I don't have a physical BFF, I DO have a BFF!!! Jesus Christ is my BFF!! This may sound cliche to you, but it is the truth. HE is the One that I call out to when I'm hurt. HE is the One that I feel comfort from. HE is the One that has saved me. HE is the One that trust with my heart 120%+!! And HE is the One that LOVES me no matter whether I'm happy or sad, busy or lonely, annoying and loud or quiet and reserved, HE LOVES ME!!

So, I ask you this question: Who is YOUR BFF? Can you say that Christ is? If not, then you're missing out on the best and most fruitful and loving relationship possible!! I may have a long way to go in life, with my friends and family, but I KNOW that the Lord will be by my side loving me unconditionally like only He can...and for that I can feel comfort.

Some Mikaelyn Pictures

2009-09-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

My friend Mandie needed some photos for her Portfolio and asked if Mikaelyn wanted to do a shoot. The timing worked out perfectly since it was Mikaelyn's 5th birthday coming up, so we just made it a birthday shoot! Althought at the beginning she wasn't REAL excited about pictures (no matter HOW much you prepare a 5 year old, you just NEVER know what kind of attitude you'll actually get), but the end, she was a happy girl and eager to get LOTS of good shots on the swings!

Thanks Mandie for doing this for us!

Change is Coming...

2009-09-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

...and I'm really not sure I'm 'ready' for it...but I also don't really have control over it.

The Lord is working in my life and I am doing my best to follow His lead. It is hard to understand why God chooses certain things for each of us to go through and it's even more difficult to try to explain that to a 5 year old. I've been thinking about buying a journal and writing in all of her questions about the Lord. they are such SIMPLE questions that I can't seem to answer in a way that she will actually understand, or maybe even that I understand. So I think it's time to start writing them down and researching so that I can give her the best opportunity at learning more about the Lord and all that He has in store for us.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get through all of this change, or how I'm going to cope with the adjustments, but I know that the Lord is on my side and am doing my best to "give it to God", even though I really don't know HOW to do that...I'm trying.

I suppose I ask for prayer during these next few days and weeks ahead that I imagine will be very difficult for me, and for Mikaelyn. We know that God is love and that if we put our trust in Him, He will care for us...so that's what we're trying to do!

I am SO blessed to have this little girl that gives me a reason to wake up every morning, a reason to keep going and a reason to love! I am so proud of the little lady that she is!!

What is YOUR greatest fear?

2009-09-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind to say the least. I have been very busy at work, which in and of itself is such a blessing! Mikaelyn is in full-blown Fall mode with Dance on Mondays, all-day Kindergarten Tuesday through Friday and Awana started this week on Wednesdays. Somehow, I have this feeling that this little girl is going to keep us VERY busy when she gets older! :o)

This past month has been a bit challenging emotionally for me in several ways and I am still trying to figure out who I am, what I want, what Mikaelyn NEEDS and where I want to be in life, in love and in the Lord. I am being challenged in positive ways that are leading me to the Cross and praying for strength, positive attitude and happiness. Still working on all of that, but I know that the Lord is Faithful and He will bring me to where I need to be as long as I keep my eyes focused on Him!

With all of that being said, a conversation came up the other day that I have thought about very often, especially as of late, but have never verbalized it...

If someone were to ask you, "What's your greatest fear?", what would you say??

My greatest fear?? DEATH!!

As a Christian, we are told that when we die, since we have received Christ into our hearts, we will go to Heaven and we should not fear death as we will then live with Jesus for eternity! Great, right!?! Absolutely, that's amazing!

But here's MY reality...Death itself, TERRIFIES me!! It keeps me awake at night, it's my greatest fear as a mother, a companion, a sister, a niece, a cousin and a daughter!!

The past few months, there has been A LOT of death surrounding me and my friends and people at arms length that I have a connection with on some level. My heart literally ACHES for them and the pain that they must feel losing a son, a brother, a husband, a child, a friend. Death to me is confusing, complicated and hurtful, to say the least. I don't understand death, I don't like it and it scares me!!

If something were to happen to me, I wonder if people would REALLY know who I am, if they would know what I would want to be done with my daughter, who I would want to care for her, and HOW I would want her to grow up? Would they know what to do with my things? Who would comfort them better than I could, but now I'm not there to make them feel better. How would this affect Mikaelyn as she grows older? I NEVER want her to feel the pain of losing someone and DO NOT want her to grow up without a Mother! I question myself if I have given myself to Mikaelyn and Anthony in a way that they deserve and desire so that I would actually leave them with ONLY positive memories of me? Does my family, immediate and extended KNOW how deeply I love them, even if I don't always show it? Do my friends know how MUCH they mean to me? Have I given of myself enough to be remembered for the GOOD and not for the "drama"?

This may all seem so silly and 'morbid', but given the last few months, watching several friends go through such devastating loss', it brings me to a crossroads of what I want MY life to be now and in the future. I want SO much more...I want to be happy, so that if something does happen to me, EVERYBODY will know, how HAPPY and GRATEFUL I am for my life. I fear that right now, I'm not in that place. I put on a good front (I think) on the social sites and at work, but at home the reality is, I am not in a very happy place. I have SO much that I want to do with my life and for my daughter and I feel like I am left in limbo and don't really know which way to turn. I feel like I do not have control over my destiny right now and that is literally driving me crazy! I run from those that challenge me because I don't "feel" like dealing with the things they're telling me and I put on a front like life is GREAT so that I look like I have it all together.

This past week, a friend of mine Jenni, has told her story of what the Lord has done in her life and the bondage that she has been able to get out of with help from her husband, children, friends and more than anything the mercy and forgiveness of the Lord. She has shown me, that in the depths of despair, there IS a way out...there is a way to find happiness. It's not always easy, it can often be painful, and you will most likely have to do things that you don't "want" to do, but there is a way out. She has shown, courage & strength in sharing her story. She has a LONG way to go, as we all do, but she has STARTED her journey to restoration and has been forgiven by the One who REALLY matters, the Lord!

So, I'm being vulnerable right now, sharing my deepest fear and the struggles that are my reality. Where does this lead me? I have no idea...but it's been on my heart and I needed to get it down in writing...for me, that's a release. I don't know where I'm going, or what I'm doing, but I hope that if something does happen to me, that at least my daughter will know how DEEPLY and PASSIONATELY I LOVE HER!!! Regardless of how I may react to her at times, my love for her is only surpassed by the Lord's love for her!

I challenge you to look into your heart and figure out what YOUR greatest fear is and start working through it...you never know what tomorrow holds as the Lord does not promise tomorrow. I have learned this FAR too deeply in recent days. Be HONEST with yourself and start the path towards restoration. It will not be finished today, or tomorrow...it may take the rest of your life, but we HAVE to be honest with ourselves in order to be honest with others!

Another Sad Day

2009-09-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

I just got word (via blog) that my friend Shannon (Anderson) Nelson and her husband and their two older sons, Kaden & Jonas, lost their sweet son/brother Lucas, 8 months old to cancer last night. My heart is aching for my old friend! No mother should ever have to go through the pain of losing a child. There are no words to begin to express my sadness for their family, but I know the Lord will comfort them during this tragic time!

Shannon, I love you, even though I haven't seen you for FAR too many years. You are such an inspiration to so many women and mothers and I'm proud of you for the brave face, strong mind and unconditionally loving heart that you gave to Lucas! My prayers are with you, Aaron, your boys and all of your extended family and friends! May the Lord give you peace, comfort and understanding in the days and years to come!

A Break from Blogging??

2009-09-02T17:46:00.000-07:00

Each day I come to my blog to read about my friends and their families, their struggles and their joys. But I haven't been able to actually write down my thoughts and share my joys in the past few weeks. This summer has been one of the most difficult that I can remember, in so many ways. I have several friends that are going through the most difficult times of their lives, lost family members, illness, you name it! Here's just a few that weigh heavily on my heart each day:

The Robertson Family - Lost their son/brother Ryan, age 21 earlier in July to a drug overdose. After several days in a coma, and some pretty incredible miracles that the Lord provided them with Ryan acknowledging them, talking to them, and kissing them, the Lord took him home.

The Lam Family - Lost their son/brother Granger, age 30 to cardiac arrests. After a few days in a coma, Granger was taken off life support and passed very soon after. Granger is the father to a beautiful little girl, almost 5 named Jesslynne.

The Hammrich Family - Lost their son/brother Kenny, age 24 in a car accident. After a few days in a come, Kenny was taken off life support and passed soon after.

The Nelson Family - Found out not too long ago that their son, Lucas, 8 months old has cancer. A few days ago, the Doctor's told them that the cancer had spread to his brain and there was nothing they could do for him, but keep him comfortable. On Sunday 8/30, Lucas slipped into a coma...I have not heard an update since Monday 8/31 as to how he is doing.

Melissa Waller - A friend of mine since Elementary School was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer back in February. She has been in and out of the hospital (mostly in) for the past several months in excruciating pain and while dealing with this, lost one of her friends that she met in the hospital, who also had cancer. She is only 31 years old.

The McDowell Family - Lost their father/husband to cancer the end of July. One of my best friends Heather, his daughter, was able to be with him when he passed and I am so thankful she had the opportunity to say her goodbyes and I love you's.

This is just a few of the people that are hurting right now, this doesn't even touch on the friends that are connected to these people, the extended family that loves them and is suffering along with them. This is heart breaking to me!!

I am very much like my Father in that I always try to take peoples pain away...I don't want them to feel the pain, I would rather take if FOR them...this is not possible in these situations, and therefore, I feel helpless. I can't understand all of this pain, the anguish, the death...it makes no sense to me. And I keep asking my friends WHY in the world is all of this happening? Why is there so much death?! Almost all of the 6 people above are under 31 years old!! WHAT?!?! I thought this stuff only happened to OLD people...you know, like my Grandparents and their friends! But this is reality. And I'll be honest, the reality where it is right now...I'm not too happy about it!

I am SO thankful that I have my faith in the Lord, that I KNOW, that I KNOW, that I KNOW He has a special and specific plan for everyone in this world. This brings me comfort and honestly, it is what keeps me sane! I have been feeling so much grief, sadness, loss and helplessness it is almost unbearable! And then I stop and think, this isn't MY pain!! I have GOT to learn to turn it over to the Lord! He is the only one that can get me through all of this! I can not do it on my own!

I pray, every moment of every day that the families, friends and those connect to the people above and all the others that have passed or are sick or hurting for any reason, that they will realize that there is NO way to get through the pain and the agony of these difficult times, without the Lord Jesus Christ! I pray that they will know the Lord's comfort, His peace, His kindness and His forgiveness! He will be the one to take away their pain, NOT me...I need to keep reminding myself of that!

So, I sit here, tears in my eyes, aching for those that I care for that are hurting. And I say, it's yours Lord, I give it to you! Take away my pain and the pain that all these people feel! Heal their hearts and comfort them during these trying times, because you are the ONLY one that can do such a thing!

First Day of Kindergarten!

2009-09-02T17:43:00.000-07:00

She is READY to go, with her sharing (show-and-tell) and all!

Those eyes...oh man, those eyes!

She's got her bear, she's got her lunch, LET'S GO!!

She's telling her teacher about the Bison that we saw on her Birthday!

It's official, my daughter is in Kindergarten! Seriously?! I remember MY Kindergarten class! I had Mrs. Scott, she was friends with my Grandmother...I also remember a boy in my class named Darin, he was a troublemaker. We were playing tug-of-war one day and he let go and I fell into the brick wall and got my first black eye...Oh man, I hope there's not bully's in her school like that...cause I'll beat 'em up!! ;o)

Open House for Kindergarten

2009-09-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

Getting ready to go, lookin' all cute!

Gotta get some love from Mama!

She just melts my heart!

And a little smooch for Mama

And she's on her way!

We decided to keep Mikaelyn in the Montessori school for Kindergarten. It's expensive, but we feel it's worth it to have a wonderful, stable place for her to go when sometimes things are a little chaotic around our house. We love them and they just adore Mikaelyn! They had an open house so the kids could come back and say hello, see the new stuff they got and make up their folders that they bring home each week with all of the assignments they completed for throughout the week! We're so happy she's back for one more year!!

Happy 5th Birthday to my Bugaboo!

2009-09-02T17:23:00.001-07:00

Opening Presents...FINALLY!

She kept asking if THIS was her fish...

Then she walked in her room and saw the tank...with no fish!

And started dancing around...for about 5 minutes!

A quick picture with Mama

And of course, had to get one with Daddy...they take THE CUTEST pictures EVER!

Then off to buy her fish!!

Dinner at her favorite restaurant, Cafe Veloce...look at how Daddy looks at her!

Blowing out the 5 candles on her Sleeping Beauty cake

And a quick family photo...still can't figure out why Anthony & I are so shiny! ;o)

August 18, 2004 @ 11:19pm, my wonderful, sweet, intelligent, BEAUTIFUL daughter Mikaeyn Joy was born, after 15+ hours of labor. Fast forward to August 18, 2009 and we celebrated her 5th birthday! It was a good day hanging with Daddy in the morning, then coming to work with Mommy for a little bit before getting ready for dinner as a family. We went minimal on presents this year as our child has everything she could want and doesn't really "need" anything else. Grandma & Papa got her a pink princess Bible (which you can see in the last picture, she insisted that she take it to dinner with her) which she was SO excited about, but it doesn't have any pictures! HA! She'll learn to read it very soon! We also got her a fish tank and 2 fish (which one has already died and we acquired 2 more, so now she has 3). She was so happy and is doing such a great job taking care of them. Right now we have Jewelry (grey), Arana (orange) and Rayla (orange and white)...all goldfish. We had a great dinner at our favorite restaurant, Cafe Veloce and Mikaelyn was a very happy birthday girl!

We are so blessed to have gotten this far and are so thankful for the Lord giving us this bright little girl! I don't know where I would be without her and I just can't believe she's already 5!!

Family Birthday Day

2009-09-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

Her first Ferry ride

The llama CRACKED US UP! He was just passed out, asleep in the middle of the road! HA!

The highlight of my day, feeding and petting the zebras!

Mikaelyn feeding the fallow deer...she was so brave, and they were very sweet!

For Mikaelyn's 5th birthday, we decided not to do a party this year. She didn't really ask for one, and neither Anthony nor I felt like figuring out all the details and spending all the money for kids we don't really know. So, instead, I planned a whole day for the three of us...which in reality, Mikaelyn would love more than anything ANY day!

We surprised her by taking her to the Olympic Game Farm in Sequim, WA. We got up early, went and got breakfast from Starbucks while Daddy got ready, then picked him up and left by 9am to go to the ferry. We took the ferry to Bainbridge Island and then drove about an hour to the farm. You drive through and the animals just come up to your house and eat bread out of your hands! It's SO fun!! We fed llamas, ox, zebras, bison, bunnies, bears, birds, elk, different types of deer, goats, and of course Mikaelyn snuck some too.

After a few hours there, we headed to the Edgewater for dinner where we were blessed with the most beautiful sunset after an incredible day! We laughed harder and longer than we have in ages and thoroughly enjoyed every minute with each other! Mikaelyn was surprised, happy and took home a little bell as a souvenir, which QUICKLY got on our nerves...come to think of it...where is that bell?? Hmm...

I got this great shot of Mikaelyn and Anthony just before the sun went down. A beautiful end to a beautiful day!! We had SUCH a great time!!

The Start of Mikaelyn's 5th Birthday

2009-08-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

All the crazy kids

She got a little "pouty" for a moment...or two

Opening her presents from her cousins...with help, of course!

My niece Ilona (7) and my sister Melissa, aka Mimi

From Left: Eva (4 7/8), Christian (3 7/8), Ilona (7), Kaiser (5) & Mikaelyn (5)

We started Mikaelyn's, always LONG, birthday celebration with a visit with all of her cousins. My sister Melissa came up to Kirkland (from Eugene, OR) to do some work on their house in Bellevue and met us for some play time and dinner. My brother Jason & his wife Andrea, along with the girls came over from Seattle to meet us as well. We played at "Mikaelyn's park" aka Peter Kirk Park in Kirkland and then headed to dinner at TGIFridays, aka "Mara's Restaurant"...it was a bit chaotic, but fun to be with family and I appreciate my family making the effort to spend some time with us and celebrate my (then) almost 5 year old! I love my family!!

Reality Set In...

2009-08-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

...and it wasn't pretty!

Saturday, August 8, 2009, I had to attend the Memorial Service of my friend Granger Lam. A man who passed away just 7 days before his 31st birthday, leaving behind a daughter who is almost 5, a wonderful family and many friends.

Granger passed away on July 28, 2009 and for the past almost 2 weeks, I have chosen to push away as many feelings as possible so that I could focus on what needed to be done. Not only for his family and friends, but for my new job, my daughter and my own sanity. My mind constantly thinks about Granger and the many memories that we shared over the past 20ish years, but any time that I would feel that lump in my throat, or feels the tears in the corner of my eyes, I would quickly do something to distract myself. This all "worked" for the most part until Saturday afternoon when I had to attend his Memorial service.

I arrived at 11am to find quite a few people already at the Funeral Home. I was instantly hit with a very heavy heart and an aching feeling in my stomach, unlike what I had been experiencing since I first heard of Granger being in the hospital and soon after, his passing. This was reality...this was real...he was really gone...and I wasn't ready to say good bye! After greeting a few old friends from High School and talking with some new friends, I finally got the courage up to go say my absolute final good bye to Granger, face to face...my soul to his earthly body. It was a shock to see him in the state he was in, I have to be honest. It was hard to see him in the hospital...my big strong friend who always had a smile on his face, lying there on life-support with no expression, no emotion on his face, but now, he was there with no life to him, just a tired body laying there peaceful yet empty. It was a feeling I have a hard time putting into words and again, to be honest, not a feeling that I even want to remember. I once again prayed for Granger, told him I loved him, that I missed him and that I would see him again. Ouch, it hurt!

The Memorial service was by far a huge success given the unfortunate and terrible circumstances. It started with one of my favorite songs, Halo by Beyonce...I immediately lost it and had to do my best to control my emotions and tears as I really didn't want to make a scene. This song has a massive amount of meaning to me in several ways and I felt it was not ironic that I had listened to it driving to the service. After hearing several of the memories that Granger's current friends had of him, I felt it was my time to go up and share something of Granger and who he was, to me!

I shared about how Granger changed the course of my life when I was pregnant with Mikaelyn, some 5 years ago. I had told Granger of how everything came about, and I'm glad that he knew that he inspired my family in a great way. I had told his family this story the first time I came to visit him in the hospital, and I'm glad that they know just one more memory of the joy Granger provided to me. I also told of his affection for "booty's", HA HA! Yes, Granger was one of those that had a thing for the 'behind' and it has been that way at least all through High School and carried on into his adult life. :o) I'll never forget all of us cheerleaders doing a specific cheer (Let me see your "funky Chicken", What's that you say?) where we had to bend over all together...Granger was ALWAYS turned around staring at us...there's even a picture of this somewhere! HA! This was the same, one of the last times that I saw him at the gym when I was doing glute exercises and continuously had to tell Granger to move IN FRONT of me so we could continue our conversation...such a funny guy!

But, I ended my memory by stating that the people from High School, his friends from back in the day, were the ones that knew the REAL Granger...he still had the same heart his whole life, but the reality is that Granger was not the same person when his lifestyle changed. I feel blessed to have known the REAL Granger and am thankful that regardless of what his lifestyle was in these past few years, as soon as he would see me, whether out at a bar, or in the gym, his facade dropped immediately, and he was back to the one that remember and loved. He was always on his best behavior when I was around and I loved that about him, that he respected me and loved me enough to know that he needed to act right!

After an incredibly wonderful video put together by my friend John's Dad was shown, there was only one thing left to hear and that was Bettina's (Jeff's wife) statement from her and the family about the reality of what Granger went through in the last years of his life. The tiredness of his body and all the things that we needed to now release from our minds and to focus in on the good in his life and the good that came out of it, Jesslynne, his mini-me daughter! Bettina spoke so eloquently, tactfully and honestly about Granger's life and I still get goosebumps thinking about what a great job she did...thank you again Bettina for addressing the true reality in a way that was heard, appreciated and hopefully used for the good!

Saying good bye is not easy for me, I don't think it's easy for anybody really. But, this is certainly one of the hardest good bye's that I have had to say. You know, the Memorial Service makes a mark as the finality of the death, the time where you leave it all there and start moving on...but I'm not sure I'm ready for that! Maybe it's because I held back my emotions as much as possible in the days leading up to the service, but I feel like I'm still reeling in the emotions of Granger really being gone, of never being able to talk to him again, of never seeing his smiling face. I am still very sad and can't seem to really focus on anything else.

All in all, I've realized I'm just not done grieving yet, and I think that's okay. This weekend was a whirlwind of emotions and I need to take some time to really work through each emotion at my own leisure. However, I am doing my best to focus on the good and positive things in my life and the many blessings that even as of recently I have received!

God is SO good and I know that although it's hard to understand death and loss, He has a perfect plan and I put my trust and hope in Him knowing full well that He will protect me, guide me and comfort me through everything! I hope you all can feel this as well!

How You Can Help

2009-08-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

So many people have contacted me to see how they can help out since Granger's passing.
There are many ways & I hope that everybody can take some time to see what they can do.

#1, Send an email to grangerslife@gmail.com. This is to be a letter to Granger &/or his family. Nobody will be reading these except for his family. I will print off the letters and put them in a book form to give to the family. I feel it's important that they have the memories in writing. Jesslynne, Granger's 4 year old daughter will some day want to know more about her Daddy and what a great man he was and if she has these letters that she can read, how wonderful to have something tangible to hold on to.

#2, Please send any photos you have of Granger to robertsjohnj@gmail.com for the Memorial service video that John is putting together.

#3, A donation fund has been put together for Granger's daughter Jesslynne. The family has set up an account with USBank under Jesslynne Cleveland-Lam. You can also go to the website and contribute online. You can contact the bank anytime to donate. Their number is 800-872-2657. Another option is to mail donations to:
1811 164th AVE NE
Bellevue, WA 98008
Make checks payable to Jesslynne Cleveland-Lam.

#4, Attend Granger's Memorial Service
Date: Saturday, August 8, 2009
Time: 11am Public Viewing, 12pm Service
Location: Beck's Funeral Home
405 -5th Avenue South
Edmonds, WA
Reception following the service at Royal Unicorn Restaurant in Shoreline

#5, Continue to pray for Granger's family, his daughter especially and his friends that are deeply hurting by his passing!

Granger, you're like a brother to me and I miss you & love you dearly! xoxo

Remembering Granger

2009-07-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post some specifics on Granger's Memorial Service and some other opportunities/requests.

Granger's Memorial Service:
Date: Saturday, August 8, 2009
Time: 11am Public Viewing ~ 12pm Service
Location: Beck's Funeral Home
405 - 5th Avenue South
Edmonds, WA
Reception: Royal Unicorn Restaurant in Shoreline, WA

How you can help...

1) Send a letter to Granger and/or his family to share with them your affection for Granger. Please email these letters and I will print them all and put a book together to give to the family. I want them to have something tangible that they can pull out any time they want to read of the love that we all have for our friend. These letters will not be read by anyone but the family, these will not be publicly displayed.
Email to: grangerslife@gmail.com
I would like to have this all complete by Thursday, August 6, 2009 IF possible.

2) Please send your pictures in for the video being made. Any pictures that you may have of Granger are wanted and appreciated. You can email them to me at sjgroenink@att.net or directly to John who will be putting the video together at robertsjohnj@gmail.com.

3) Many of you have asked about a fund for Granger's daughter (almost 5). This is being worked on and as soon as I know the details, I will get that information out to you all.

My heart continues to ache for Granger's family, daughter and friends. My mind never wanders from his goofy face that made me smile the instant I saw it and all of the memories I have of my sweet friend!

I hope that you will all do what you can to make sure that Granger's family feels the love that we all have for him!!

Saying Good Bye...

2009-07-29T21:03:00.000-07:00

...is NEVER an easy thing to do. Especially when it has to do with death.

Sadly, my friend Granger passed away yesterday, July 28, 2009 at the age of 30. I will write later of how that night came about, but for now, I ask you to pray for his family, his friends and all that loved him. But most of all, I ask you to pray for his almost 5 year old daughter that the Lord will comfort her and help her to understand what she is going through.

Granger, I love you and I miss you already. I am blessed to call you my friend!!

Praying for My Friend Granger

2009-07-27T16:30:00.001-07:00

My friend Granger is in a coma right now. I heard of this terrible news last night and was able to get in contact with his sister this morning to find out more details.

Granger, who I went to Middle school and High school with had several cardiac arrests & is lying in the hospital on life-support.

I went to visit him this morning just to hold his hand and talk to him and to support his family in any way that I can. His brother Jeff and sister Amanda as well as his parents, daughter and friends are hurting deeply and it is so hard to see friends in such terrible pain. There is nothing that I can do to make them feel better, which is always hard for me to grasp, but I CAN pray for them, and I am doing that constantly!

I ask you to pray with me that Granger will make a full and quick recovery. This is going to be a long, hard road for him and everybody who has been touched by him, but the power of prayer is what can get him through this!

I also ask you to pray for his family that they will feel comfort, peace and understanding and especially his little daughter who will be 5 the beginning of October that the Lord will protect her and comfort her as she deals with this very difficult situation with her Daddy!

Granger, I love you and know that the Lord is with you and will guide you through all of this! Wake up and get better so we can finally take our girls to the park together like we've talked about for so long!! So many people love you and need you to stick with us! You are a FIGHTER & I expect that 100% out of you right now! Fight on my friend & I'll see you very soon!

Granger and I on my 30th Birthday last year!

Quick Update

2009-07-09T11:21:00.000-07:00

Watching the Kirkland Parade

The ground was HOT, but she was so weak, she had to sit down poor thing...

But, ultimately, she was all smiles...although this was before the walk home...not a fun thing when you're running a fever and have a tummy ache!

Happy at the fireworks...even though she was feeling rotten

Her eyes just make me melt!

I find myself alway thinking, I need to blog 'this' or 'that' and then for whatever reason, don't end up doing it. That could show my ability to procrastinate?! Anyway, just thought I would put it out there that is well here.

Mikaelyn dealt with the flu over the weekend, which of course was the 4th of July holiday, but I was still a COOL Mom and allowed her to do the things that she wanted to do. We went to the Kirkland parade as well as watched the Fireworks...even though she was still running a fever and in the end came home after fireworks and threw everything up. Luckily she threw up in the toilet this time! (Maybe TMI, but this was a BIG deal as she has never actually made it there before!)

She is well now and we're taking each day as it comes and I'm just trying to enjoy my little girl. She's growing up so quickly and I'm left here thinking, where did all the time go?! We don't have much on the books this summer, which is kind of a blessing. We don't have anything that we need to get ready for, just enjoying the time off before she goes back to school and grows up even more!

Born Again!

2009-07-03T12:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, July 2, 2009 was a VERY special day in our house. Mikaelyn made the decision to ask Jesus into her heart and become a Christian!! This process has been going on for a few months now (not to mention the prayers that have been said by myself and my family & friends since she was born that she would some day give her life to the Lord).
A few months back, I started talking to her about what it meant to be a Christian. Immediately she said "I don't want to be a Christian, he's a BOY!" See, my nephew's name is Christian and of course, she attributed the 'word' Christian with the 'name' Christian. It has taken countless discussions and explanations to finally get her to understand the difference. Phew!! I was worried for a little bit. :o)
Anyway, Mikaelyn is VERY aware of what she did and completely understands this commitment and very important decision that she made. We sat and talked about how she wanted to go to Heaven and to be a Christian and how the only way to make that possible was to ask Jesus to forgive her sins and come and live in her heart. She said that she wanted to pray and do just that so I prayed for her and then she said that all important prayer!!! Of course, being the sweet girl that she is, she also prayed that Jesus would come into her Daddy's heart so that he could be a Christian too...she's always thinking of others...such a tender moment!! When we were finished, we called Grandma & Papa and got both of them on the phone to tell them...obviously, they were ecstatic and knew that Mikaelyn was so ready for this decision! Mikaelyn then ran to her Daddy and said, "Daddy, I'M A CHRISTIAN!!" Then she continued running around the house yelling "I'M A CHRISTIAN"!! It was so cute!
All day yesterday, she told everybody that was willing to listen that she was a Christian...what a witness I have on my hands! :o)
So, yesterday will go down in the books as probably the 3rd most important day in my life. #1 was the day I accepted Jesus as my savior when I was 5 years old (I think), #2 was the day Mikaelyn was born and now #3 is the day she gave her life to the Lord! We will celebrate July 2 as Mikaelyn's spiritual birthday for many, many years to come!!
God is so good and this has NOTHING to do with me, but only by His grace, mercy and faithfulness that my little girl has made the most important decision of her life! I am completely humbled!

Last Day of School

2009-06-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

Mikaelyn's 2 best friends, Eric and Christina

Mikaelyn's teacher, Mrs. Haeck

Her other teacher Miss Leslie

Mikaelyn's "Prince" Eric

My graduated little girl!

June 19, 2009 was Mikaelyn's last day of Preschool! I can hardly believe that the year is over! She attended Juanita Bay Montessori which is an absolutely fabulous school! Her teachers are loving and kind and they adore my little girl. We felt so blessed being able to even get her in this Montessori school and even more so watching how she thrived during the school year. Mikaelyn is going to miss her friends, but Lord willing, we will be back in the fall for Kindergarten! Montessori is not cheap, and I know it's only Kindergarten, but the teachers are so wonderful and the curriculum is designed for each individual child, we are doing everything we can to hopefully allow Mikaelyn one more year there!

She had a fun filled day with cookie decorating, a popcorn party and then outdoor games. We hadn't had rain for nearly 30 days until that day, so it was a bit rainy, but the kids didn't seem to mind! It was fun to watch them all work together and play together and we definitely miss going to school already! Now, time to figure out fun stuff to do this summer to keep my little girl busy and not bored! :o)

Happy Father's Day Anthony!!

2009-06-26T17:30:00.000-07:00

Our Little Family! :o)

Mikaelyn and her Daddy...she's SO lucky!

It was free hat day at the track! We sported them for a few minutes

Mikaelyn posing with the horses in the background

Anthony & I on Father's Day

For Father's day, I surprised Mikaelyn and Anthony and took them to Emerald Downs (horse racing track). None of us had ever been there and I had heard great things about it, so I figured it would be something fun and different for us to do. I reserved a box for us that was undercover which ended up being PERFECT! We were right in front of the finish line and ended up being in the "VIP" section with a local News anchor just in front of us as well as a few retired jockey's that now own some of the horses as well as a trainer for some other horses.

We decided when we got there that we would bet on a few of the horses...just small $5 bets here and there...and we actually did really well...until the 6th race! :o) Oh well it was fun and each of us got to pick "our horse" for each race, which made it all VERY exciting! I ended up picking the best horses over all, which made me very proud! Ha!

But there was a sad note...at the end of the 3rd race, as we were all discussing which of our horses won or not, Horse #2 (Mikaelyn's pick) had a heart attack just past the finish line and ended up dying on the track. We saw that the horse was down and because they don't want o bring a lot of attention to it, they didn't announce anything or let us know what was going on. There was a man sitting next to us that not only was very knowledgeable, but also had binoculars kind of kept us in the loop. Watching the jockey jump away from the horse and frantically work to get the saddle off was terribly sad...within seconds really, they took the bridle off, meaning the horse was gone. Once the poor thing was on the ground, it did not move, so I suppose a good thing is that it didn't suffer. This was it's first race ever and apparently, at times these horses just get so amped up, they just have a heart attack or possibly an aneurysm and that's it.

As I stated, it was the horse that Mikaelyn had chosen to win, so she was VERY upset that it was sick. She cried and we tried to console her, but it was very difficult for her. What I am very proud of though is that the first thing that came out of her mouth after she realized that the horse was very sick was, "I'm going to pray for it and ask Jesus to take care of it". She still prays for that horse every day, but feels happy that it is with Jesus now and it doesn't have to be sick anymore. It's amazing how a 4 3/4 year old little girl can teach me so much about things like this. It's so simple and yet so true. Jesus will take care of that horse in heaven, as well as us on earth. He is all powerful and I'm just thankful that I have been saved and know the truth!!

All in all, the day was wonderful and after a wonderful dinner at our favorite place, Cafe Veloce, we were all ready for bed and thankful for a wonderful day together!!

Mikaelyn and I are SO thankful for Anthony and the way he cares for us and takes care of us. Happy Father's Day to him!!!

Watoto Children's Choir

2009-06-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

Mikaelyn and I had the privilege of helping to serve dinner to the Watoto Children's Choir when they came to Westminster Chapel to perform on Saturday evening. The Uganda team put together a spaghetti dinner with garlic bread and lemonade as well as strawberry shortcake for dessert. Let me re-phrase that...Gretchen, one of my teammates, put together all the details and went shopping and cooked for the kids...I was mearly a by-stander that came to help serve the kids and help out where I could. We couldn't have pulled this off without Gretchen, she has a true servants heart!!

Anyway, Mikaelyn LOVED these children and felt so good about being part of the group (Thank you Gretchen for including her) by serving the children their dinner as well as dessert and then watching them sing and dance. She memorized a few of their songs within seconds and danced like she was having such a great time! The children were polite, sweet and beautiful and I loved every minute that we were able to spend with them. It made me miss being in Uganda SO much, but opened my eyes to another organization there that I would love to get involved with in time. The kids are going to be in town for the next few weeks and Mikaelyn and I hope to go see another concert before they head home the beginning of July.

Mikaelyn & I getting ready for the concert!

Watoto Children's Choir - Tour 35

Mikaelyn and Priscilla (8 years old)

David and Mikaelyn...he's only 1/2 Mzungu too! (Mzungu = white person)

For more information on this incredible organization go to http://www.watoto.com/

Thank You Letter

2009-06-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

So, 2 months+ since I've been home and I'm FINALLY sending out my thank you letters to all of the people that supported my financially, emotionally and spiritually for my Mission Trip to Uganda. I think I've been still wishing so badly that I were back in Uganda, that I haven't wanted to re-live all of my experiences and even put them in writing...that would be the finality to the trip. I know it sounds weird but there's times I don't even want to talk about my experience because that means it's in the past and I'm not there anymore and don't know when I'll be able to go back. I dealt with so much anger when I came home because I was not ready to leave, I didn't want to leave and felt like that was where I should be. After dealing with the anger, I KNOW that I'll be back, I just don't know when. It truly can't come soon enough.

I'm also dealing with the "reprucussions" of being gone for so long, financially. I put our family in quite a difficult position not working for alost 4 weeks and unfortunately during that time, things were slow for Anthony as well. I am doing everything I can to get back on track, but it is extremely frustrating after working so hard last year to save and get myself prepared for this trip...I feel like although I had an incredible experience, I'm paying for it now. For me, it's WORTH every penny that I DON'T have...for Anthony, he didn't get the experience that I did, therefore, he doesn't really see my side. I understand that and all I can do is just keep on working as much as possible (which is only part time). The Lord knows our needs and I believe He will provide for us 100%...I just pray it's sooner than later! :o)

Below is my 2 page letter that I sent out to my supporters. Putting my experience down on only 2 pages was BRUTAL! I could write tons of pages for each day that I was there, but this will have to do. Thank you for those of you who prayed for me, I am so grateful and definitely felt the prayers while I was there! Please continue to pray that the Lord will give me peace and patience through these next few months!

Self-Portraits

2009-06-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

These are just a few of the MANY self-portraits that Mikaelyn has taken with the camera. Usually I go to take pictures, then press review and I'll have like 50 pictures of her doing self-portraits, pictures of the kitties, pictures of her dolls sitting on the couch, or even of shows on the TV...at least I know what is going on when I'm not around right?! She's just so silly!!

Alki Beach

2009-06-08T12:01:00.001-07:00

Mikaelyn and I on Alki

Being her silly self!

Hangin' out on Daddy's shoulders

She is SUCH a little HAM!

This is just ONE of the reasons that I love her SO much!!

Anthony, Mikaelyn and I headed to Alki last night just to get out of the house and enjoy the mild weather we were having. It was a busy week for all of us and it was nice to have some downtime this weekend. But, Mikaelyn gets super antsy if she stays in the house too long, so since she was SUCH a good girl yesterday...including eating 7 pieces of broccoli (that means she ASKED for more than what I originally gave her on her plate), we took her out to Alki beach to go for a walk. We did some dreaming while looking at all of the beautiful condo's available on Alki beach and got some YUMMY ice cream after walking on the logs on the beach. It was a beautiful night and we had a good time being in the fresh air and just being together!

Mikaelyn, as always hammed it up for the camer a bit and I think I got some totally CLASSIC shots of her! I just adore her! ;o)

Memorial Day Weekend

2009-06-08T11:34:00.000-07:00

Showing off all the shells she found

Loving spending time with Daddy

Our little photog Mikaelyn took this for us

Pink sandals (what else would you expect) with all her pretty shells!

Daddy swinging on the rope swing...

And pushing Mikaelyn on the swing...this FREAKED me out, but I kept my cool!

My sweets...they're too cute!

Silly girl with her Daddy

We're too cool!

I was NOT happy about this...but it's still cute!

A little family photo! :o)

We had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping (FAR too early) and we got to spend some good family time together! Mikaelyn LOVES when the 3 of us are able to get out of the house together (not to mention that I love it as well) and this was no exception. We went to Golden Gardens in Seattle and walked along the water, picked up lots of shells and cool rocks and Anthony attempted to play on a rope swing we found at the end of the beach. Of course Mikaelyn wanted to get in on it as well which freaked me out a bit, but it all turned out well and it was a great time!

After the beach, we went to our favorite dining spot, Cafe Veloce for some dinner and a little wine. All in all, it was a great day and it's that kind of day that reminds me just how blessed I am to be where I am, even if everything isn't always perfect, God has blessed me immensely!

A Gorgeous Weekend!

2009-05-18T18:33:00.001-07:00

What a beautiful weekend we experienced in Washington! It was sunny, warm and Mikaelyn and I took full advantage of it! On Saturday we walked to Downtown Kirkland from home, which is only about a 15 minute walk, hung out at the lake for a little bit, then slowly walked home. This took significantly longer since of course she wasn't up for the walk home (which is mostly uphill as well). But once we got home, we packed a picnic and DROVE down to a different part of the waterfront. We had Mikaelyn's first picnic which she completely enjoyed and was very sweet for the rest of the evening!

Mikaelyn loving being in the water...which is still VERY cold!

Here she is scolding the water for getting her capri jeans wet, she was yelling jiberish to it! :o)

On Sunday after church, Anthony was out and about watching the basketball game and hanging with some friends on the water (yes, I was jealous), so again Mikaelyn and I decided to drive to Kirkland and go walking along the water. This always seems like a great idea when we first talk about it, but then miss "pushing boundaries" always seems to find something (many things) to complain about, therefore making it not the best of times. But, we did have a good time in the long run and although there were some tantrums thrown and some attitude heard, we were able to enjoy being together and being outside!

Showing off her flower that she found

Walking along the water

Balancing by the water...about 2 seconds before she took a spill and cut up her knee...needless to say, we had to make a short venture back to the car to puts some bandaid's on...but all better!

Stopping to pose by the beautiful (and very large) pink tulips

It was a great weekend and I look forward to this summer when we can be outside more often and for longer stretches of time. We also look forward to our next picnic WITH Daddy when he's not working!

And one last picture of all my little babies PASSED OUT Sunday evening after a full weekend of sun & fun! It completely wore them out! Wore me out too apparently as I woke up with some sort of flu bug this morning and have been in bed all day. Oh well, I have to say the weekend was worth it! I'm a lucky girl to have such a beautiful, smart and incredible little girl! I love you Mikaelyn!!

Mikaelyn, Sophie and Asha all asleep at 7:45pm after a very long, but fun weekend!

Happy Mothers Day!

2009-05-10T13:40:00.000-07:00

To all the Mommy's out there, I hope you're day is filled with kind people, obedient children and ready to serve men! You all deserve it, not only today, but EVERY day! Love to you all!

The reason why this day is so special for me! I'm a very lucky Mama!!

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...

2009-05-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

Have you ever read that book?! I remember it from when I was a little girl and although I don't necessarily remember everything that was IN the book, the title seems to work just perfectly for some of those less than perfect days.
Yesterday was one of those days for me. It seemed that nothing went right for me, old issues came up and I literally felt like I was drowning in bad stuff, a.k.a. CRAP! Half way through the day I went home from work and just cried to Anthony that I didn't understand why everything was happening...then only a few hours later, something else happened that just put it over the top, and all I could say was, REALLY?! I mean, REALLY?!
I felt last night as if I was being punished for something. But, I remembered that God is a loving God and He is only trying to teach me something with these difficult times and I'm praying that I will be open to His words so He can direct me in where I need to go. I can only do what I can do and to stress about difficult times will only end up hurting me in the end rather than helping me.
So today, I'm determined to have a positive attitude and to keep on doing what I can to make things better, to fix the issues and work through the tough times. I need to remember how much I have and focus on the good in my life rather than wallow in the bad.
God is good and I trust that for whatever reason I am going through tough times, I will come out on top in the end because I will lean on the one and only thing that can get me through everything, JESUS!

Feeling Nostalgic

2009-04-22T11:08:00.001-07:00

Have you ever felt like you wish you could go back and relive something all over again? Would you do it differently? Would you do it exactly the same?

Although I know it is impossible to go back and change anything that has happened in the past, I am feeling very nostalgic today. I'm missing my time in Uganda, missing the relationships I formed, missing the love I felt and missing the lessons I learned. I feel like it was ages ago that I was there and to be honest, I don't like that feeling at all. When I said I left my heart in Uganda...I truly did. I feel a bit lost and a bit out of sorts being back in the U.S. and now being back at my home in the monotony of my life, dealing with things that are so meaningless and useless, it's really quite the culture shock.

I found something in Uganda that I truly never felt I would find, feel or understand. I knew that my heart was pulled to Uganda last May when my now dear friend Lucy came to Westminster to talk about Uganda...I had no idea that a year later it would shock my heart to the core. I had no idea I would fall in love the way I have. I had no idea the Lord would use the people, places and things there to make me desire so much more in my own life and that of those around me.

Am I alone in this? Absolutely not. The Lord was powerful in Uganda and I believe, touched all 8 people on my team, all in different ways. God is creative in the ways He works in our hearts and even though I went with an open heart and unhindered soul, I had NO IDEA He would fulfill me in such a way that I feel like a completely different person.

So, what can I do about it now that I'm back?! Well, that's a very good question that I am still trying to wrestle with. In the last 10 days that I've been back, my emotions have been on a roller coaster, my life has been flipped upside down. I've cried from joy, I've cried from heartbreak, I've cried from love, I've cried from pain. I don't know where the path ahead of me is going, I don't know how I'm going to get there, and I don't know who is going to be there in the end, but I DO know that the Lord is paving that for me and I am trusting that He will protect and guide me, because I KNOW that He is the only one that has the power to do such a thing.

So, today, I feel nostalgic...I'm not sure what the future holds and that is hard to swallow...so I trust...and keep trusting...and pray...and keep praying!

My Team, from Left:

Tami, Ben, Gretchen, Me, Ivan, Ray, Leslie & Dominick

I left my Heart in Uganda

2009-04-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

Back from Uganda and somewhat back to reality...at least to the reality of the U.S.
I'm at my parents in Michigan this week. Recovering and recooperating after a very long journey. I'm feeling surprisingly well...wasn't great last night, but compared to what I'm sure others are feeling, I'm doing pretty good.
I have to be honest...I wasn't ready to come home and wasn't very happy that I had to leave when I did. I felt such a strong connection there that leaving absolutely broke my heart. I can hardly wait to go back and am HOPING that I can figure out how I can get there ASAP. The Lord did amazing things in Uganda and it was humbling to be a part of His work.
It's hard to write at this moment, without breaking down in tears. Soon I will write about my adventures, about the people I met, the lessons I learned, the heart break I felt, the love I found and the joy I experienced. For now, I just wanted to say that I'm home, I'm healthy, I'm safe and although I'm sad that I'm not there, I KNOW that I will be back and that brings me comfort.
God is so good and although I don't always understand His timing and the obstacles He puts in front of me, I am learning more and more about Faith and love each day.
More to come in the future. Thank you all so much for your prayers, I truly felt them and know that this trip was a gift from God, and wouldn't have been possible without all your support!
This Mzungu is out...

Headed out!

2009-03-27T07:46:00.001-07:00

Well, Mikaelyn and I made it safely to Michigan and have had a very nice, relaxing few days here with Grandma & Papa. I fly out tonight at about 7:45 to fly to Chicago, then a little more than 3 hours in O'Hare airport and then off to London. I'll be in London for about 2 hours by myself and then my team will arrive and I think we have about 7 hours together there. Hopefully we'll get out of the airport and maybe jump on the tube and tour London a bit. Then we'll be off to Entebbe, Uganda in Africa! We arrive about 8:30am on Sunday morning and go straight to church.
I can hardly believe that this day is actually here. It's a very surreal feeling since I have been planning this for SO long, it just seems unreal! I'm excited, but calm, and hope to stay that way! :o) I bet that it will be a different feeling when I meet up with my team and we're all together again...for 2 weeks! ;o)
Please keep me and my team in your prayers as we travel and are in country! I don't know if I'll be able to blog for a few weeks...I know there's a way to do it through my phone, but don't know if I can figure it out! HA! We'll see!
Blessings to you all and don't forget to pray!! xoxo

2 DAYS TO GO!

2009-03-23T10:40:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe that Mikaelyn and I are heading out in 2 days! WOW! I have A LOT to do today...mainly packing! Tomorrow I work, hang out with my family (sister and nephews and brother and nieces) and then small group, then home...then up EARLY to go to the airport! I can hardly believe it's actually here, well, just about!
This past Friday our team put on Game On! Africa - Hero's in Action. A fundraiser with Bingo, food, a silent auction and children's activities. It was a huge success (although extremely tiring) and we are very happy with the outcome! Yesterday (Sunday), Pastor Gary (the pastor at Westminster) prayed a commissioning prayer for our team at all 3 services. Tell the congregation about where we were going and also telling of the desperate need that Action International has right now for funds. We had AMAZING donations yesterday and our team is completely humbled by the outpouring of love and money from all the people that want to help. We are able to bring money to help pay for school for MANY children for probably 2 semesters and give money to Jerry and Candice Bingham (the missionaries we'll be working with) for supplies or whatever else they need.
I was overwhelmed by emotion watching the Lord work in the hearts of the people that heard about what we were doing and I, as I said before and completely humbled by the Lord's power! He is SO good and I feel honored to be a part of this team going to Uganda!
After a wonderful dinner with Anthony and Mikaelyn last night, getting ready today and seeing family tomorrow, I feel like I'm ready...well as ready as I'm going to be!
Please pray for me and my team as we travel and are in country for the next few weeks!
Love to you all and thanks so much for all your support!!

A trip to the Doctor

2009-03-20T10:18:00.001-07:00

So, I did what I felt was the right thing and went to the Dr. yesterday to check out what this funky feeling in my chest was. I wasn't real excited about it, but felt that with my upcoming trip out of the country, it's probably best that I make sure everything is okay.
I went to see a NP (Nurse Practitioner). Normally this feels and seems no different than seeing an actual MD. However, yesterday, her little computer that they now use (no more writing on your large color coded chart) decided to start acting up and didn't want to work. So, she literally sat there for like 5 minutes talking to herself how she was going to throw a little temper tantrum and then every once in a while throw in a "well, that is really strange what you're feeling" or a "do you feel it right now?" question. Then she decided to pay attention to me and ask me what was going on, listen to my heart and order an EKG...that was it!! Ughh, I was so annoyed!
So, SHE diagnosed me as having an acid reflux flare up...uhh, you dimwit...that's NOT what I was feeling. So, I diagnosed myself as having an anxiety attack (attack being used lightly here). Had she asked me some more questions about what was going on with me emotionally in my home life, work, anything outside of my trip (which I did manage to throw in there), I think she may have taken a bit of a different approach.
But, whatever, the EKG came out normal which means my heart is fine, which is always good to know. She gave me some prevacid for my acid reflux which can never hurt since I deal with it every day and I will just figure out a way to calm my emotional issues within me.
I honestly believe that as soon as I get on the plane out of Washington my stress level will decrease. It has been a rough few weeks and I am ready to get away and regroup my life!
Today I feel a little better. I feel like I can breathe a little easier and know that after our big event Game on! Africa tonight, I will be able to breathe a little sigh of relief that it's over as well, only adding to the de-stressing!
Thanks to those of you who prayed for me and keep praying that I'll start to feel a little more normal, especially leaving the country 1 week from today!! YAY!

Chest Pain?! WTH?!

2009-03-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday afternoon I started having terrible chest pain...which I THOUGHT was heart burn. My wonderful and Grandpa and Daddy were so kind of pass along the Groenink trait of terrible heart burn, Thank you ever so much! Tums are my BEST friend and in all honesty, I do not go ANYWHERE without a little pack in my purse.
This is something I deal with on a daily basis and it's not usually too bad...it's nothing like my Dad goes through, that's for sure! I've found what helps alleviate the pain and I stick with it.
But yesterday was different...it wasn't really "heartburn", but more like a terrible ache. I popped a few tums hoping that would help, tried to eat some dinner, which didn't work too well and went to bed about 8:30 (like asleep, not just laying in bed).
I woke up this morning STILL feeling this aching in my chest and told Anthony. He asked if I had pain in my arm...well, yes, I have had this weird pain in my left elbow for the past week or so, just a random achyness. Then he asked if I had shortness of breath...last night, I was having a weird dream and I couldn't breath, I had to go outside to try to catch my breath and breathe normally...I'm still feeling this sort of chlostrophobic feeling inside my chest/stomach. Very acidic in my upper gut. So weird! The pain in my arm isn't shooting into my chest or anything, it's just there.
Perfect timing right?! Only a few days from leaving the country?!? Geesh!
Anyway, I'm fully annoyed right now...just had to share! :o)

Invisible Children

2009-03-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

Last night, I sat and watched 3 different videos about the Invisible Children of Uganda. I had Mikaelyn watch them with me, and although part way through I questioned whether these were appropriate for her to be watching, the reality is that this is REAL life!! As difficult and sad as it is to watch the terribly difficult life these young children have to live, if I were to not allow her to learn and understand what is going on in Uganda, I would be just another person turning a blind eye therefore validating that these are "Invisible Children".
I REFUSE to turn that blind eye and that is WHY I am going to Uganda. No matter how difficult the circumstances may be and how hard it will be to actually experience these type of situations, one person CAN make a difference and I'm going to do what ever I can to be that one person. I believe that my teammates are 6 others that feel the same way.
If you don't know what or WHO these Invisible Children are, you NEED to!! Go to www.invisiblechildren.com and take a few minutes to think about what YOU can do to help.
I couldn't sleep last night, not because of nightmares, but because I was so disturbed by my selfishness and the poverty that surrounds our country and what LITTLE we do about it.
I pray that this trip will change me in a way that I can't imagine because I have SO much and I don't appreciate it...and I NEED TO!

Specific Prayers

2009-03-16T10:40:00.000-07:00

I figured I would write down a few specific things that you can pray for while I'm preparing for this adventure and also while I'm there.

1) Please pray for safe travel and the health and safety of the entire team. I'm meeting the team in London which makes me much less nervous that I don't have to fly into Africa alone.

2) Pray that the Lord will work in and through us to touch the lives of these incredible people that so desperately need His love.

3) Pray for safety while we are in Uganda. Although we are in an area that is considered 'safe', Gulu, Uganda is a very war torn area and you just never know.

4) Please pray that Mikaelyn will be a good girl for her Grandma and Papa.

5) Pray for my parents strength as they haven't had a 4 year old all to themselves since my younger brother was that age...I don't think they even know what they're in store for.

6) Pray for my teammate Leslie who broke her foot a few weeks ago and will be wearing a 'boot' most of the time that we are there...praise God that she can leave it in Uganda. Hopefully it will be a blessing to the staff there for someone else who may need it in the future.

7) Pray for our leader Ray as he and his wife have both been laid off from their jobs due to economic issues. He knows this is where the Lord wants him to be...he is a true inspiration for those of us going. Pray the Lord will bless him and his family for doing His will even in difficult times

8) Pray that my heart will be open to whatever the Lord has in store for me. Pray I will put aside my selfish ways and be fully useable in whatever way needed not only while I'm there, but in all of my life.

I know the Lord is on our side and believe completely that He has called each of the 7 of us to go to Uganda to do His work. I feel blessed to be going with the 6 other people that are committed to this trip. Ray, Gretchen, Leslie, Ben, Tami & Dom, I am so excited to be a part of this team with you all and I thank God for putting each of you in my life! We're almost there!! YAY!!

Getting SO close!

2009-03-16T09:37:00.001-07:00

I can hardly believe we're down to 9 days until we leave! This has been such a long process, having started the initial thoughts about Uganda in May of 2007 and following through on my call there soon after. The Lord is doing amazing things in my heart and I believe in the hearts of my teammates and hopefully in the hearts of those that we will be working with.
The last week was a difficult week for me. Work was very busy, my mind was rapidly filling with things I needed to take care of before I left and all the sudden I became overwhelmed almost to the point of feeling chlostrophobic...it was a very uncomfortable feeling. So, with all those feelings building up, I decided to start making lists (thanks Jenni Clayville for always talking about your OCD in organizing...it inspired me!) So, I have a folder filled with lists of things I need to buy, things I need to bring to Uganda, things I need to bring to Michigan for me and then another one of things I need to bring for Mikaelyn. Then there's a list of items that I needed to discuss with Anthony, so I made him dinner and sat him down and went through each item! It was actually quite comical when I think about it...it was almost like a "meeting" about what his "job" was while we're away! HA! Yeah, well, we'll see how that goes! ;o) Actually, I'm fully blessed to have him around to handle affairs while we're away and I'm VERY thankful that he's been so willing to help out, even if he doesn't really know or understand what I'm doing. Life at home may not always be easy, but I really do feel blessed that Mikaelyn has a father that loves and adores her...not all little girls are that lucky especially given our 10 year history!
So, this weekend I spent a lot of time shopping, ughh! I mean, I like shopping, but I HATE spending money. But, I feel I was very successful and only have a few things left on my list of items to purchase, THANK GOODNESS! Everything seems to be coming together finally and although I have clothes and Uganda items piled up on my dresser, I will soon be putting them in a suitcase which is SO exciting!
God is so good and I am so anxious to see what He is going to do in my life and the lives of my teammates and those in Uganda!

So many blessings amongst the stress

2009-03-05T09:51:00.000-08:00

Well, it's now down to 19 days before Mikaelyn and I head to Michigan and teach Grandma how to do her hair...and then 21 days until I leave for Uganda. Yes, I am officially stressing myself out now!
We have a big event that we're putting on called Game On! Africa Heroes in Action. I'm in charge of the children for this 4 hour event. I don't know why this is so nerve wracking for me...it's not like it's rocket science, but for some reason just the thought of this event gives me a stomach ache. I finally sat down the other night and wrote out a schedule of the evening for the kids, in HOPES that most of them will actually sit and watch the movie in the children's theater (Madagascar and Madagascar Escape 2 Africa...sticking with the African theme). We're going to have face painting (still looking for the painters) and popcorn and sno cone sales going on. I mean, seriously, it's not like I'm having to fully entertain all these kids for 4 hours, but for some reason it is freaking me out!
Anyway, I need to really wrap my brain around it all and just take it all one moment at a time b/c otherwise I think I just might go insane! Poor Mikaelyn is getting the wrath of my stress and that is just unacceptable and I've had to apologize to both her and Anthony for my not-so-kind attitude. It's going to be an amazing event and I'm so excited to be a part of it. I just think on top of leaving and getting everything ready, it's just a lot to handle, for me. But I have awesome teammates that are keeping me motivated...so I just gotta keep on keepin' on!
With all of the stress though, I have found another "virtual assisting" position that I started last week that I am VERY please about. It is bringing the extra money that I need each week and will help me out so much. The gentleman I'm working with is awesome and I just know that the Lord has orchestrated this all for me... He is just so amazing!
So, for now, I'm focusing on each moment as much as possible to try to get myself through until I leave...it's a challenge, but I know the Lord will help me! :o)

Missing Grandma & Papa

2009-03-02T20:19:00.000-08:00

When Mikaelyn got home from school today, she was acting a bit odd. I went into the family room and she was laying on the couch looking at this very old picture we have of my parents. She just kept saying, "I miss my Grandma & Papa" over and over. She says this all the time, but doesn't usually stare at a picture while saying it! After she was finished staring, she picked up the frame and held it to her heart while she watched a movie!

SERIOUSLY?!?! I mean, SWEET...but can you say DRAMA QUEEN?! Good grief! We'll be there in 3 weeks! :o)

PS...yes those are french braids in her hair (after all day of playing...so excuse the frizz). It ain't easy to do that with all her curls, but I'm getting the hang of it! :o)

Lists, Lists, Lists

2009-03-02T20:10:00.001-08:00

I've spent the last 2 hours writing lists like crazy! I've had all these things roaming around in my head that I keep feeling so overwhelmed by all the things that need to be done before we leave (in 22 days).
Let me just notate that this was not 2 hours of quiet time to focus, this was 2 hours, sitting at the dinner table literally feeding my daughter spaghetti! Bite after Bite, ughh! At least she DID eat it all!
Anyway, I made lists for items to bring to Michigan for Mikaelyn, items to bring to Michigan for me, Items to bring to Uganda and of course items to BUY...yeah, that one kind of bugs me! :o( Too many things that I still need to get...but I DO still have a little time, so the fact that it's on paper is a good start!
I feel a bit more relaxed now that I have the lists, but a bit more stressed about the things that I still need to get. Oh well, it will all fall into place as long as I keep myself focused and organized...right?!
Jenni Clayville...I wish you were here to use your 'OCD' to help me! LOL! :o)

SPAM?!

2009-02-28T21:05:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I didn't even know that was possible on a blog...but apparently it is. I received like 8 emails that there were all these comments on my blogs. I was excited until I realized that they were just spam with like 5 different links to who knows what...ughh, you can't get away from spam anywhere! Grrr!!

A somewhat busy week

2009-02-28T15:41:00.000-08:00

So this week has been filled with all sorts of feelings and events.
Monday morning started out ugly...that's because I had to finish the remainder of my shots for my Uganda trip. Tetanus went in the left arm and Meningitis and Hep A/B (#2 of 3) went in the right arm. The tetanus hurt like a son of a gun and the Meningitis was AWFUL! It started bleeding down my arm, swelled and bruised before she even took the needle out. After the Dr. took a quick look, and I pressed the swelling down with pressure (which I think pushed the rest of the meds into my arm), I was fine...but VERY, VERY sore. MAN, I HATE SHOTS!
As the day went on, it got better as I landed another part time position being a "virtual assistant" for 10 hours a week...this is EXACTLY what I want and need and I feel very blessed to have found this!
Monday evening my Uganda team had a little get together to just connect on a deeper level outside of our weekly itinerary meetings. The dinner was wonderful, but it did have a little down side. At least one, and possibly two of the ladies that were going to go with us have chosen to not travel with us on this trip. Although I completely respect their decisions, (Africa is not really the place to be traveling while thinking, hmm, I think the Lord may not be calling me here at this time) I am very sad to not have these two ladies with us. We also had a guy tell us last week that he will be unable to go as well, making our team from 10 to 7. I felt the need to tell the rest of the team that I KNOW the Lord has called me to Uganda and I am completely committed to this trip and the work the Lord is going to do in and through me and my team.
The rest of the week just seemed to go by very quickly...lots of work, meetings and working with my little 4 1/2 year old. It was a pretty good week and although I wish I could have just relaxed all day today, I took 4 hours out to CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN my house as my friend Leslie (going to Uganda with me) will be coming over for dinner tonight so that we can get to know each other a little better.
Looking forward to church tomorrow and a Uganda meeting to discuss our GAME ON! AFRICA event on Friday March 20th. (More to come on this).
I'm feeling very blessed this week and continuously feeling like the Lord has His hand on my life and is directing me wherever it is that He wants me, it's a really wonderful and peaceful feeling!
Please pray for my team that the Lord will continue to show Himself to us and for His will to be done with our trip!

The Countdown is ON!

2009-02-21T19:08:00.000-08:00

This is the countdown I made for Mikaelyn and my parents. Mikaelyn will cross of each day as we get closer to our departure. Grandma & Papa will do the same thing so when we get there, she'll know that they did something together to get us there! I can't believe it's almost here!

I was blessed enough to have a teammate of mine purchase our tickets to and from Michigan yesterday. I was so worried about how I was going to do it and she offered so graciously. The church will reimburse her, but still...it's just humbling to me that she would just offer to do this for me! I'm pretty sure my team is compiled of some of the coolest people EVER! I love them already!!

Valentine's Day Wrap Up

2009-02-19T14:31:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day ended up being a pretty decent day. My BFF Heather and her boyfriend Oliver (visiting from Atlanta) came over and brought me flowers and Mikaelyn a stuffed frog and a bunch of stickers...RRRIIIBBBIIITTT!!! (sorry, inside joke). Then, Mikaelyn and I went to go see our cats Chloe & Capri that we gave to a new family a few months back and that was really fun. It was a little sad for me to see that they didn't come to ME, but rather to their new Mom, but I was pleased that they are now completely happy and comfortable in their new home. Capri was off roaming around in the barn, so we only got a glimpse of her, but Chloe definitely remembered us and let me hold her like a baby for a while and purred like crazy for Mikaelyn and I. We miss them, but I am very happy that they are in a great place and I feel blessed to have found such a great home for them!

We came home and had some presents from Daddy...if you know me, he gave me the PERFECT gifts and Mikaelyn just LOVES her doggie...uses it for her pillow every night now! :o)

Auntie Heather and Oliver brought me flowers!

Does Anthony KNOW me or what?! :o)

Mikaelyn showing off her new Froggy and sitckers! RIBBIT!!

Mikaelyn with her new Doggie from Daddy

CUPCAKES! We had fun frosting them...and eating all the frosting!

Wine Tasting Event

2009-02-14T10:06:00.000-08:00

I went to a Wine Tasting Event put on by the Overlake Service League last week. The wine was amazing and the friends were even better! For those of you that knew me in High School, you know that Niki, Sabrina and I were practically inseparable. Sadly, we don't get to see each other nearly enough (even though they live up the street, literally), but we still have a deep love for each other and I consider them two of my closest friends. It was so great to spend some time together again! Aren't they beautiful?!

"Happy" Valentine's Day??

2009-02-14T09:56:00.000-08:00

It's the day when you're supposed to tell the person you love, how MUCH you love them. I've never really understood WHY they would make up such a day. Shouldn't you constantly be telling that person how much you love them? I think so, personally.

Well, today is like any other day to me. Things at home are not really all the great right now, so I've actually been dreading this day...It's one of those days that if you're single, it becomes VERY clear how SINGLE you are. If you're in a relationship, you get treated like a queen for a day (or at least you should be...but refer back to what I said a few lines ago...you should ALWAYS be treated this way). If you're in a relationship and they DON'T treat you like a queen, then you're disappointed. This day has all the makings of a very difficult day for a lot of people, but a wonderful day for others.

Today, Mikaelyn is my Valentine. We made cupcakes last night for her Daddy and then also for Auntie Heather and her boyfriend Oliver. She brought Valentine's to school this past week, which was a first for us. I think we're going to go to visit our kitties that we gave to a new home a few months back, Chloe & Capri. We haven't been to see them since we gave them to the other family because I didn't want to bother them and didn't know if my emotions could take it. But Mikaelyn has been asking about them a lot lately and I've been missing them a lot, so we're just going to go bring them some treats and give them some love. Then the rest of the day is up in the air. We've got church tomorrow, where I'm helping lead worship and then a Uganda meeting after that. We're supposed to go to dinner with Anthony for Valentine's Day (he works tonight, as usual), but we'll see if that happens...like I said, it's been a rough week.

So, for those of you with Valentine, congrats and I hope you're treated like the Queen/King you are and for those of you without a Valentine...enjoy your day and have fun with some friends.

And don't forget...it's just another day! xoxo

Things have been crazy...

2009-02-10T17:45:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a while since my last post and I don't really have a GOOD reason per say...it's just been a crazy week or so.
So for an update, I quit one of my side jobs...I know, WHAT?! QUIT? In THIS economy...yeah, yeah, I know. But when you're being disrespected and attacked personally with regard to my values and character, there is only so much that I am willing to put up with. Nobody deserves to be disrespected by their employer, EVER! I had put up with this for a long time because the job was such a blessing, as a "virtual assistant", that is, I didn't work in the office, but did all the hours (about 10 a week) on my own time, wherever I wanted (usually home). I can say the job was a blessing while I had it (about 2 1/2 years), but a huge weight off my shoulders now that I'm done with it. It has been a bit of a struggle to get over the way that I was treated and how disrespected I felt after such a long time, but in all honesty, I KNOW I deserve better and refuse to be treated like that any longer.
Along with that, I have been slowly getting ready for my Uganda trip. I can't believe it's coming up in like 6 weeks!! I went out with my WONDERFUL sister-in-law (Andrea) and my 6 1/2 year old niece (Ilona) and bought a bunch of material. Andrea is going to GRACIOUSLY give her time to sew 4 dresses and 6 skirts for me to wear while I'm there and then I will leave them with the Action International staff to be given to the women that need clothes. We were lucky enough to find a very simple skirt pattern and an even easier dress that literally you just sew the material up and then add some straps...very easy...well, said by the one who isn't actually sewing (and doesn't know how to)...but I'm TOLD that it's simple. Heck, Andrea finished the 4 dresses by the time I even left their house that evening. Yes, she's really that amazing! I'm so blessed to have such an amazing sister-in-law. I don't know how my brother got her, but he is LUCKY! :o)
Anyway, life as I know it is always changing and adjusting and I'm feeling a bit insecure and nervous, but excited about what the Lord is doing within me. I feel His presence like CRAZY right now and that is what is getting me through the difficult and often times painful days.
I know He has me in His grip and I find comfort in knowing that He is leading me through these days! Blessings on you all! :o)

I'm feeling blessed

2009-02-01T20:39:00.001-08:00

I'm laying in bed, watching something dumb on TV...what's new...and I just starting thinking about my day. I started feeling almost emotional about how blessed I'm feeling right now.
My day consisted of waking up early to go to Eastlake Community Church and then going to my older brother Jason's church, First Free Methodist in Seattle (by SPU). Then home for a few minutes and down to a restaurant/bar for a Super Bowl party with a group from Eastlake. I finished by coming home, getting Mikaelyn ready for bed (which she pretty much does on her own...this child LOVES to floss) and then having devotions with her.
I purchased a book yesterday for her called The One Year Devotions for Preschoolers. It is one page that you read to the kids daily (by date). It's a little story with something they can apply to their lives and then a verse and a prayer. I read the story slowely so that she can fully comprehend what it says. The verse I say and she repeats after me and then we say it again so she actually understands it. It's one thing to just read to a 4 year old, it's quite another to make sure they're actually grasping the concept. Then for the prayer, I've been saying it and then she repeats me (it's a simple like 2 sentence rhyme or so) and then I have her pray on her own...say whatever it is that she wants to say to Jesus.
Tonight the devotions talked about being quiet and thinking about Jesus...so I was trying to talk to her and she said, "Mommy, shhh, I'm thinking about Jesus". Yes, I wanted to chuckle, but the fact that she was understanding what I was talking about was just so precious...she actually wanted to sit there and THINK about Jesus.
So, I ask myself this SIMPLE question...when do I think about Jesus? Do I ever just sit in the quiet and think about Him?! I consume my life with busyness and constant noise, do I ever just sit in the quiet and really talk to him? Really get to KNOW who HE is?!
I can say quite honestly, it's been a LONG time since I have done that! I'm not proud of it, but I'm also not going to mask it. Watching how quickly my daughter is growing up is getting me to think about the fact that she needs the foundation of who Christ is and WHY we need Him! I am realizing now, more than ever, how blessed I was to have the constant foundation of Christ's love from the womb. My parents nurtured (and still do to this day) my relationship with Christ as much as they were humanly able.
I'm excited to dig deeper into these devotions with her and hope that you will pray for me that I will stay consistent in this bedtime devotions "ritual". (seems like the wrong word, but I can't seem to think of another one to define my desire)
I'm feeling blessed because I know that as frustrated as I get with Mikaelyn's attitude (she is 4 after all), I have a little girl that is AMAZING and is OPEN and WILLING to learn about the most amazing thing EVER...JESUS CHRIST!! He has saved my soul and I am daily asking for forgiveness for all the things that I have done wrong...and I KNOW that He forgives me!
Our God is an Awesome, He Reigns over Heaven above with Wisdom, Power and Love, Our God is an AWESOME GOD!

A cool statement

2009-01-28T10:28:00.000-08:00

A girlfriend of mine came over to have her son & Mikaelyn play on Monday. She showed up with a t-shirt that she bought for me (I know, she's the sweetest). This is what it says:

ROSA sat so that Martin could walk.
MARTIN walked so that Obama could run.
Obama ran so that Americans could fly.

01/20/2009

TIME TO FLY

How cool is that? I was so excited! Anthony is totally jealous and wants to find the store that she got it from so that he can get one for himself. He has a MAJOR man crush on Obama...but I'm okay with it!
It may seem that recently I've posted quite a bit about Obama, but I really am so pleased that he is our 44th President. I have NEVER been into politics and this election, I didn't have a choice. MSNBC was (and still is) on in our home 24/7. I feel like I have learned so much through the whole election process and I am proud to be an American and I am proud that the country spoke and elected Barack Obama.
I am one of those people that has been registered to vote since I turned 18...but I have never voted, until this election. I feel like I was one of those that helped put President Obama in office...how cool is that?
I understand that not everybody agrees with everything that Obama stands for, and I understand that many think McCain would have been better...but the bottom line is this...President Obama is now in office and it's time for us to come TOGETHER to make this country what it should be. Stop with the name calling and the bashing, support our President! I know that I was guilty of not being completely kind about President Bush, and hindsight is always 20/20...but the difference with that, is I lost respect for Bush while he was in office. Obama has just barely started...let's see what happens.
I just want us all to get along. Respect he fact of what I believe in and WHO I believe in, and I will do the same for you!
Be proud of the change that this country has made if nothing else!!

I Pledge...

2009-01-27T10:52:00.000-08:00

This video is really amazing. Watch it, it is worth the few minutes to see it.

http://www.oprah.com/media/20090119_tows_ipledge

What do you pledge??

President Barack Obama!!

2009-01-20T12:02:00.000-08:00

That's all I really need to say...I am ECSTATIC!!!!

This made my day!!

2009-01-15T09:33:00.000-08:00

I received an email late last night from an old High School friend that I haven't seen in over 12 years (maybe more). It was an absolute surprise and brought a tear to my eye (yes, still emotional) and made me feel so good! She doesn't know me anymore other than what she sees on Facebook and she owes me nothing...so for her to take the time out to write this I felt was such a kind hearted thing to do! So...thank you Darcy! You are an inspiration to me and I only hope I can have as kind of a heart as you do!

This is what the letter read:

Hey Sarah Jean,
I finally got to look at your pics of you and your little girl. I kept going back at looking at another and yet another album because I am marveling at how vividly alive you two are.You are sparkling with energy in every picture and your adorable daughter obviously has learned how to love life from you.Being a mom can be soooo hard, and you seem to be doing an amazing job. So, enough with the super duper sentiments, but I think if a mom is doing a good job she should get all the kudos she is deserved.

I needed this...I think ALL mother's need this...so let this be a lesson to us all. If you know a mother who is doing a great job, TELL THEM!! You never know what she may be going through behind doors and how that one simple compliment may ultimately change the course of her day!

I'm such a woman...

2009-01-14T09:51:00.000-08:00

I have been SO emotional the past few days. I'm not sure if it's stuff going on in my personal life, or the excitement of my Uganda trip, the nervousness of what 2009 is going to bring or the craziness of home life. But, whatever it is, my eyes are like waterfalls.
I suppose I try to be STRONG as much as possible and don't allow myself the tears that really need to be shed over difficult or even exciting times...I just don't know.
I do know that I am feeling a bit better after every 'good cry', but it is exhausting and I'm over it! Ha!
Anyway, being a woman can be so great, and really a pain in the butt sometimes...do you feel me??

Uganda Support Letter

2009-01-14T09:49:00.000-08:00

I finally got my last "support letter" out last week for my Uganda trip. This has been an ongoing process that has been tedious and tiring, but SO worth it! I wanted to share the letter with you. If you're interested in helping to support me financially, please let me know, but if nothing else, please pray for myself and my team as we go on this incredible experience together!

Dear Friends,

I am writing to update you on my upcoming Uganda trip. We have confirmed our travel dates for March 27 – April 11, 2009. I will be leaving a few days earlier to drop Mikaelyn off in Michigan with my parents and meeting up with our team (of 9 people) on their layover in Europe, to fly together into Africa.

Our team has been meeting regularly to get to know each other and to plan and organize what is evolving into a very exciting trip. While they were in the States on furlough, we met with missionaries, Jerry and Candis Bingham, who are working with Action International in Uganda. They are so excited for our team to be there and believe that the Lord will work through us to touch the lives of the Ugandan people. While we met with the Bingham’s, each of us went around saying a little about why we all wanted to be a part of this trip. It was amazing to see how the Lord has specifically placed each of us on this team through His creativity. I am excited to get to know my team members and to experience this opportunity with them.

Personally, I have taken on the responsibility of leading a few days when we travel to the Awach IDP camp, also known as the Butterfly Club. These women are what they call the “child mothers”. They have been through such terrible situations and are in essence, babies raising babies. When I first heard of these women, or rather girls, I was struck deeply with a desire to serve them. With the help of the other women on my team, these will be my days to use the gifts the Lord has given me to reach these girls.

I am writing this letter to ask you, my friends and family for your support. Some of you have already sent in financial support for which I am truly thankful. Please continue to be in prayer for safe travel, the health of the team and that God will do His work in and through us to demonstrate His tender love and care. The financial cost will be approximately $3,600 per team member. The cost of Mikaelyn’s flight and a stop in Grand Rapids for me would be over and above that amount. If you are able to help in any way, I would be grateful.

In order that your contribution will be tax deductible, you should not designate your contribution as personal support for me. Funds raised are for the entire team and the ministry in Uganda, and the entire team has joined together to raise the needed funds and important prayer support. Checks should be payable to Westminster Chapel, and may note “Uganda Team Support”, but should not have my name on the check notation.

Also, due to IRS guidelines for tax deductibility for all team contributions, please be aware that should I for some reason be unable to go on this trip; your contribution will be applied generally toward the team expenses or to mission projects on site in Uganda.

Please return the response card, noting prayer and/or financial contribution, so that the funds will be properly designated to the team. Again, please do not note my name on any check you enclose.

Thank you for your gifts of prayer, finances and love. I look forward to having you partner with me in this incredible experience.

In Christ’s unyielding love,

Sarah Jean Groenink

Merry Belated Christmas and Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T17:14:00.000-08:00

So, it's been a little while since I have written...don't really know why, but I think it's because I've been busy! :o)
Let's start with Christmas...it was wonderful! Mikaelyn got everything she really wanted and a few other things and was ultimately, a very happy girl. Anthony was sweet to buy me a new toaster over and an espresso machine. They already have been getting plenty of work done for me and I'm VERY excited about them. I got him a new watch and some onyx and diamond cufflinks...he seemed to be happy...although, he was REALLY excited about the Rolling Stone magazine that was all about Barack Obama...yeah, I know where I stand when it comes to Obama, but that's ok! HA!
We spent the afternoon with my brother Jason and his family along with Tyler and it was a lot of fun. I love hanging out with them and just wish we could hang out more often. It's a lot of work when we get together though with 3 girls, a 6 year old and 2 four year olds. Then, due to weather, Anthony picked us up and we went out to dinner with Mikaelyn. It was really nice and after the day was done, I felt full, happy and blessed! It was a great Christmas!
My dessert theater at my church was the next 3 days and it was wonderful! It turned out great and I had so much fun...although I am very thankful that it is finally over and I can get my life back on a normal schedule...it was worth it! Anthony was able to come on Sunday evening and then he and I went on a little "date" for some dinner and wine, just the two of us. It completed what was a great weekend!
New Years Eve has now come and gone and I was EXACTLY where I wanted and needed to be...IN BED!!! Mikaelyn and I went to dinner, got home and went straight to bed. She was asleep by about 6:45 and I was in bed just after...watched a little TV, but went to sleep early. I felt like I need to "ring in" this new year a little differently this year. Rearrange my priorities and really work on ME...what it is that I need an desire for this year. (More to come on this in future posts).
Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful new year and CHEERS TO 2009!!

STILL SNOWING!

2008-12-21T14:11:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness, I haven't seen a winter like this in...well, I don't know how long, a LONG time! The snow is continuing to fall like crazy and as I lay in my cozy bed, I'm looking out the window at all the dumb drivers thinking they can do anything going down our hill until they slip and slide...ughh!
I got out of the house yesterday and did a bit of shopping at the grocery store, pet store and Costco and again today to Fred Meyer to get Mikaelyn a warmer snow jacket, some boots for me and a few presents...who knows when this is going to let up for me to actually be able to Christmas shop.
Anthony really wanted to get out and do some shopping, so I sent him to Toys R Us and the mall to get some things for Mikaelyn. I went online and printed out the specifics for him to make it "easier"...so hopefully he'll be able to find everything...maybe he'll pick something up for me too?! LOL! Here's hopin'!
Anyway, I hope you are all staying warm and cozy.
I take this moment to reflect on all the things that I am so thankful for. Top of my list right now, a roof over my head with plenty of warm heat inside! God is good and I am so thankful for all the many things that I have!

Cancelled...well, Postponed

2008-12-19T14:10:00.001-08:00

I got an email and then a call this morning to let me know that the Dessert theater that I am in has been postponed due to snow. They're hoping for next weekend, but we have to make sure that all the cast can be there...
I'm disappointed, but also understanding. I was so ready for this production to be over so that I could get Mikaelyn and myself back on a normal schedule, but oh well, the Lord has other plans.
Anyway, once I get confirmation, I'll update with the actual dates and times now.
For those of you with snow, be safe and have a little fun! Have a warm and great weekend!

Lots of Cancellations due to snow...

2008-12-18T19:12:00.000-08:00

So, as I'm sure you've seen, there is quite a bit of snow outside the windows in the Seattle area. Now for those of you in the mid-west or east coast, you may think, oh those Seattlites, they're just wimps...well, I'm pretty sure you don't have the hills that we have here which make the cities completely shut down because it's just too difficult (not to mention dangerous) to go anywhere.
The snow on the roads has cleared enough for most SUV's to get around (including Anthony's, he made it to work tonight), but it's supposed to freeze tonight and with the compacted snow now turning to ice, the roads could be treacherous!
We were all told that yesterday (Wednesday) was going to be the "day of snow", so my rehearsal was cancelled just in case...which of course, we didn't get ANYTHING! Some of the cities up north or down south got a bit, but none in my immediate area. So, then today, I wake up with a few inches of snow and it snowed all day, literally. So, they cancelled rehearsal again today, which was to be our "Dress Rehearsal"!! If you have ever acted or sang (or attempted either), you know how important the dress rehearsal can be...with the light and mics all ready to go one last time...yeah, we don't get that!
So, we're supposed to be at the church by 4pm tomorrow (only 1 hour after Mikaelyn gets off school...which means no nap), to run through everything once and then the performance starts at 7pm. I am not really "freaking out", but this is making me very nervous. I'm not only worried about the actual performance, but the fact that due to the weather, it may be difficult to drive, I wonder what our audience will be like. We have worked so hard on this play and I know I will just be so sad if the crowds just don't come due to the weather.
I know the Lord has all of this in his hands and it is certainly not in mine, but I just felt the need to share and maybe if you're reading this, you could say a little prayer for us. Not only for a good performance, but that we (me specifically) will give all 4 performances (Lord willing we'll be able to do all 4) over the the Lord to do with us what He needs! We have the opportunity to reach out to so many people...we just need to get them there!
Keep me in your prayers the next few days!! Finding Bethlehem...here I come!

Christmas Pictures

2008-12-16T13:11:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to share some of our Christmas pictures. My friend Rachelle (http://www.elleboudoir.com/) took these while she was in town and other than dealing with Mikaelyn having a bit of an attitude because it was so cold and she was tired...they really turned out great! Thank you Rachelle!
Enjoy!

Just a Reminder...Finding Bethlehem

2008-12-12T09:58:00.001-08:00

I thought I would put up again when the dates of my Dessert Theater, Finding Bethlehem, are in case anybody is interested in going.
It's a wonderful play based in Arizona. It's a sweet story of finding the true meaning of Christmas with all the hustle and bustle of the holidays. It's really going to be good!
If you're interested in coming, you can purchase tickets ($10 per person) on the church's website www.westminster.org or call me and I can pick some up for you (206) 962-1114.

Friday, December 19 @ 7pm
Saturday, December 20 @ 7pm
Sunday, December 21 @ 3pm
Sunday, December 21 @ 7pm

Location: Westminster Chapel
13646 NE 24th Street
Bellevue, WA 98005

Would love to see you there! Happy Holidays!

Busy, Busy...I need a vacation!

2008-12-12T09:51:00.000-08:00

I am finding myself having SUCH a difficult time getting out of bed each morning...I'm SO tired!
With rehearsals 3 times this week, on top of Mikaelyn's Dance class, a Uganda meeting, another concert at church, not to mention work and basic busy body things that I try to do at home, I am TIRED!
Rehearsal went really well last night. My song is really coming along and I sat and watched the other scenes of the play and really got a good look at the entire play...it's really good! I didn't realize though, that we have rehearsal Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday next week starting at 6 until 9ish, then performance Friday, Saturday and 2 on Sunday...OUCH! It's all well worth it and I'm SO excited about it, but I will be so glad when it's over and I can SLEEP!
Mikaelyn has really been a trooper through it all, for the most part. One of the girls in the play has a 10-11 year old sister and Mikaelyn and her play or watch a movie every night while we're rehearsing. Her Mom was one of my leaders when I was in Middle School and so it's been fun to re-connect with her and get to know her beautiful and sweet daughters. Mikaelyn loves them and really enjoys playing with the big girls...so it's worked out ok for her.
However, seeing that she's getting to be around 10pm with NO nap because of school...she gets overly tired and then can't fall asleep and becomes VERY dramatic...so any energy I have left after the long days are completely drained by the random and weird things that Mikaelyn has been saying...I mean, VERY dramatic, sad things...I don't really know what to do, other then do my best to get her home and in bed as early as possible. She was still asleep this morning at 9:15 (which is very late for her)...so it proves she is tired.
Hopefully we can catch up on some of the sleep before next week when we're packed full of stuff...I suppose we'll see.
Keep us in your prayers though, my biggest prayer is that being so tired, neither of us will get sick...we're just finishing up getting over pneumonia, I can't take anything else! :o(

God is Good...no, GOD IS GREAT!

2008-12-10T11:02:00.000-08:00

On Monday, we had a Uganda meeting with the people of Action International that we will be working with there. They are here on furlough and took time out to meet with us and give us a better look at what we will be doing while in Uganda (March 27-April 11, 2009).
The 8 people that were at the meeting (missing Ray our leader as he was in Jerusalem...yeah, cool, I know!) all went around and told a bit of why we were going on this specific mission trip. As I was listening to all the short stories of how each of us has come to the decision to be a part of this incredible journey, it was SO clear that the Lord has had His hand over our team and indiviually picked each of us to go on this trip, at this time to this place...it is absolutely AMAZING!
I knew that the Lord was so creative in His way of showing me that Uganda was the place that I wanted to experience His glory, but to hear it in everybody else's story as well just made me realize the wonder of our Lord...He is so good and so faithful it brings tears to my eyes.
While we are there, we have a pretty full schedule and each of us was asked to take the "Lead" in a specific area for a specific day. I chose to take the Lead when we go to Awach which is to the Child Mother's Village. Ever since I realized who these women (young ladies) were, I felt an intense pull to work with them. These girls need to learn how to love their child and the ability to feel love through all of the torture that goes on in their minds and hearts due to the terrible things that have happened to them in the past. I can not even begin to grasp what these girls have gone through, but I only pray that the Lord can use me in a way that will help to comfort them and bring some joy to them through Christ's everlasting love. It is not ME that will be giving them anything, but Christ THROUGH me.
I am beyond excited about this incredible opportunity that the Lord has put in front of me and I can only pray that He will continue to prepare my heart and those of the people that we will be there to reach out to, to do His work in us and through us. He is a Might God and I am humbled by the mere thought of what He is capable of doing.
Please pray for myself and my team as we continue to prepare for this journey. Not only are we needing to raise funds, but we need prayers more than anything.
My personal prayer is that I will be able to find an individual prayer partner that will not only pray for me during my trip, but that will begin a prayer relationship with me as I prepare for this, while I'm there and after. I know the Lord has someone special in mind of me and I hope He will put that person in front of me so I know His will.
God is good...no, GOD IS GREAT!!!

Some Photos of Family

2008-12-04T10:50:00.001-08:00

We spent some time with my siblings last Saturday when my sister and her family were able to come up and see us from Eugene, OR. The kids had a lot of fun together...well, most of the time. It's amazing to me how kids can get along with their classmates every day with not one single problem, but as soon as they get with family, which they only see once a month barely, they fight like siblings...it must be in the blood or something?!

Either way, it was great to see all the cousins together. Regardless of their fighting, they love each other and they will defend each other to the bitter end too!

Mikaelyn, Ilona, Kaiser, Christian & Eva

They love eachother!

You try getting 5 kids, 6 years old and under to all smile, pose and be good in a picture!

All the kids walking home from the "park" (aka Ilona's elementary school)

Dessert Theater Dates/Times

2008-12-01T11:14:00.000-08:00

I thought I would put the info for my church's Dessert Theater that I am involved in for everybody.
If anybody is interested in coming to see me TRY to sing and act, please send me an email sjgroenink@att.net and I can get you all lined up! It should be a good time, I'm pretty excited about it!

Friday - 12/19 @ 7pm
Saturday - 12/20 @ 7pm
Sunday - 12/21 @ 3pm
Sunday - 12/21 @ 7pm

Location: Westminster Chapel
13646 NE 24th Street
Bellevue, WA 98005

Cost: $10 per person (can purchase a table of 8 or 10 people)

I know it's a really busy time of the year for everybody, and I appreciate your support in this! It's called Finding Bethlehem and it's a really sweet story (based around my character...that's just to prove how cool I am! LOL! Kidding). I'm also singing a song by Josh Groban (no, I won't sound like him, but it's a cool song).

Hope you can make it!! Merry Early Christmas!

I am so thankful

2008-11-28T11:05:00.000-08:00

Well, a day late, but none-the-less, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
Yesterday ended up being such a wonderful day. I spent the morning sleeping in (a little too long) and then rushing around trying to get everything ready to go to my brother and his family's house. I personally baked 2 pies (apple) from SCRATCH! Yep, crust and all. They didn't look great, but they tasted good, which is what really matters. Thanks Mom for the recipe...practice makes perfect, so some day I'll have to practice again! :o)
Mikaelyn and I went to my brother Jason and his wife Andrea's house for lunch/dinner (3pm). They just purchased a house this summer and are in the midst of doing a pretty major remodel, so it is always fun to go over there and see what Andrea has done with the place. She has an interior design background and is absolutely the most creative, incredible, stylish woman I know! Some day when I have the $$, I'm going to hire her to re-do my house...when I have a house to re-do! :o) Anyway, Mikaelyn and her 2 cousins Ilona (6 1/2) and Eva (4) played down in the play room while we all got dinner ready. When I say "play" I mean, fight like sisters/cousins, tattle a lot, but still love each other like crazy. They really do have a lot of fun, even though we have to get after them all quite a bit.
My younger brother Tyler drove over from Wenatchee to join us along with a girl from Jason's church. We had just about every dish you could think of...and it was FABULOUS!
I have to say though, I think the best part of the day was being able to talk to my big brother about life...the trials, the joys, and what my future holds. Jason is one of the most non-judgemental, considerate and intelligent men I know (just below my Daddy and along with my younger brother, Tyler) and it was so great to wash the dishes (they don't have a dishwasher right now) and be able to spend that time discussing Christ and the many things floating around in my head with regard to Christianity, church and Jesus. Jason and Andrea have been through a lot with me and I am so grateful for their unconditional love and support for Mikaelyn and I and I feel so blessed to call them family.
Poor Tyler ended up getting sick before he could taste the pies that I brought, but we all ate some pie and chatted some more...as my mother would say, it was just "sweet, sweet fellowship"! :o)
Mikaelyn and I then drove home, picked up her Daddy and drove around for about an hour looking for a restaurant that was open...all we found was Denny's! LOL! So, we had a little meal at Denny's at 9pm, then called it a night.
It was hard not to have my parents here for Thanksgiving, I miss them like crazy, but I'm glad they were able to be with family as well and I know that if they could have been here, they would have been.
So, I'm thankful most of all for Christ's unconditional and everlasting love for me and my family and I'm thankful for my brother's, sister's, nieces, nephews, parents, child, child's father and my kitty's (& my rabbit, sort of)...not to mention my wonderful friends who keep me going each and every day.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and feel as truly blessed as I do!
Now...on to the Christmas season...I don't think I'm ready yet!

A little sicker than I thought...

2008-11-24T17:42:00.000-08:00

So, you see all the white, outside of the bones?! Yeah, that's called Pneumonia. UGHH!

Yep, Friday night about 7pm, Mikaelyn was feeling awfully warm, so I took her temp again (she had been running a fever since Wednesday and it had spiked to 103.5 on Thursday night) and it was 104.8...FREAK OUT TIME!!! I called everybody I could think of to try to figure out what to do and NOBODY was around, so I just decided to pack up and go to the ER.

Long story short, after 5 hours, x-rays, vomiting b/c her fever was so high and a shot in both of her legs (at the same time, at the end of the night), we finally got the results that she had pneumonia and it was a good thing that I brought her in when I did b/c she would have just gotten worse.

We finally got home at midnight, she was still crying, still running a fever, but fell asleep pretty quickly, at least for an hour or so. She was up off and on all night, poor girl. Her fever finally left after her nap on Saturday and has not come back (and hopefully will not come back). She is still coughing but for the most part feeling a TON better!

On top of all of this, I have been under the weather as well, so being in the ER just made it worse and the stress of all of this has been a bit dampening on the healing process, but I'll be better soon and I am just SO thankful that Mikaelyn is getting better fairly quickly.

This is the 2nd time she has had pneumonia. I don't know what it is, but it's not fun. To watch my little girl feeling THAT rotten, it's unlike any feeling I can even express.

Praise the Lord she got through that night and I'm just still praying that she will continue to get healthy quickly.

At least she had something cool to bring in for sharing time at Montessori preschool! :o) The x-rays were a HIT!

Two Sick Ladies

2008-11-19T16:23:00.000-08:00

Mikaelyn & I are both home tonight SICK! :o( Low grade temps, but we feel like...well, you know what I mean.
I think we both caught it from our little friend Anna who was just getting it last Friday and then ended up having a fever on Sunday...makes sense, poor little girl, and now poor us!
Anyway, Daddy just left for work and so it's just us to sick-o's all night. I'm praying this will stay as low grade and not escalate...I can't miss work and Mikaelyn has school tomorrow.
We'll be heading to bed early and just lounging until then! Luckily Daddy bought her 2 new DVD's yesterday (Tinkerbell & Wall-E). I think we should be set...but my THROAT HURTS & poor girl can't stop coughing. I HATE BEING SICK!!!

A HAPPY NIGHT!

2008-11-15T12:49:00.000-08:00

Last night about 2am, I heard Anthony come in yelling loudly that SOPHIE WAS HOME!! Our little kitty who had been "missing" since Halloween (yes that's 2 full weeks) had finally returned.
She is so skinny she looks like a kitty skeleton, but other than that seems to be healthy! She went straight to the food and ate for about 30 minutes...I thought she was going to get sick b/c she hadn't eaten for so long, she was stuffing herself...but she did fine. She has been non-stop purring since she got home and just wants to be touching me, Anthony or Mikaelyn!
Mikaelyn was SO ecstatic when she woke up and found Sophie sleeping next to my face, it was so sweet.
We feel like the home is complete now with our 2 remaining kitty's (and the rabbit out back) and we are SO happy she is home. Needless to say, she won't be going outside anytime in the near future! And ESPECIALLY when the mean old neighbor cat is out...Grrrr!

Upcoming Event

2008-11-13T14:36:00.000-08:00

So, just a quick note to tell everyone that I have taking a roll in my church's (Westminster Chapel) Dessert Theater December 19, 20 & 21!
It's an original script about Christmas. I'm really excited about this opportunity, but have not done any "acting" since I was quite a bit younger! Running lines, memorizing lines, getting costumes together, it's all like a new experience since it's been so long.
What's cool about it is the director/producer is my elementary school choir leader. The children's choir (grades 1-5) used to put on 2 musicals a year and I was in every one of them with her as my director...so it make is much more comfortable for me.
I'll keep you all updated, but just wanted to let you know the good/fun news! Can't believe the "Holiday" season is really upon us!!
Blessings!

3 gone & only 1 left?!

2008-11-10T09:53:00.001-08:00

So, in my previous posts I was searching for a new home for some of my kitties...although those posts didn't lead to a new home, I have however found a new place for 2 of my girls.
I had been in talks with an organization called Homeward Pet Adoption in Woodinville. They are so packed full of kitties right now, it's actually very sad. Every place I called was just too full and couldn't take any more. Thank goodness they are "no kill" rescue organizations, or those poor cats would be in big trouble!
Anyway, Homeward was unable to take the cats, but it just so happened that the day that I emailed to follow up with them (this had been going on for about a month), a lady had called looking for 2 bonded cats...which is exactly what I had! So, the lady emailed me and that was that!
A few days later Mikaelyn and I went to drop off our babies, Capri & Chloe. Capri has been with me since Anthony's Birthday in 2002 and Chloe has been with me since just after my parents left in July 2006. The two of them get along so well and my greatest wish was that they could stay together...I wouldn't feel so badly having to let them go.
Anyway, the lady and her 16 year old daughter live in Fall City (it was quite the drive) on 8.6 acres with a beautiful 3 stall barn with 3 horses. The barn has a heated, carpeted tack room which is where Chloe and Capri will live. In the winter when it's chilly, they'll stay in the tack room, but as they get comfortable and used to their surroundings, they'll let them roam the barn and then eventually the grounds if they so desire.
So, Friday was a crazy busy day...Work and then a meeting while Mikaelyn had school. We came home to get everything ready for the cats, i.e. medical records, cat tree, cutting their nails etc. We then loaded everything up, including the cats and went to Mikaelyn's pizza party at Round Table Pizza for her preschool. The cats were VERY stressed out...Chloe was hissing like crazy, which she NEVER does and just freaking out.
So, by the time we were done with the party and started driving to Fall City, Chloe was a mess, just so nervous and stressed, the poor baby. When we got to their new home, and set them down in the room, Chloe literally hissed and groaned for about an hour...she started calming down a little bit and wanting to be pet and loved on, but she was NOT a happy camper. This is fairly normal for stressed out animals, they tend to react a little crazy, but still, I felt bad after telling these ladies how sweet the two of them were and how much they love each other and now any time Chloe saw Capri she'd hiss and jump at her, leaving Capri huddled in the corner...ughh!
Anyway, we finally decided it was time to just let them hash it out and Mikaelyn and I needed to head home. Mikaelyn started crying b/c she didn't understand why OUR cats were not coming home with us. Although we had discussed this situation for some time, actually leaving them was a very different story.
On the drive home, I lost it and just felt so badly that I had to give them up...but we know that they are in a good home and as soon as they calm down, they will be very happy. The family bought them toys and treats and warm beds, so they'll be just fine.
On top of surrendering these two, our other cat, Sophie has now been missing since Halloween...yep that's about 10 days now. The neighbor cat chased her away on Halloween and I haven't seen her since. She has done this a few times before, but this is the longest she has been gone and the weather here has been VERY rainy...so we're pretty worried about her. Mikaelyn keeps praying that Jesus will keep her warm and safe and to tell her that we love her...it's very sweet, and very sad at the same time.
So now, after having 4 cats, we're down to 1 (in hopes that Sophie will still return home). It's very quiet in the house, although Asha our lone ranger is definitely still "kitten like", she doesn't have any sisters to pounce on.
So we'll see...we're still praying Sophie comes home, but if not, then we'll probably rescue a kitten in the future...I like to have 2. I feel it's important for the cats to have a play mate, I've always been like that. But for now, we're just loving on Asha, Praying for Sophie and missing Capri & Chloe. I feel like a bit of our family is missing, and that's kind of sad!

Halloween 2008

2008-11-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

We had a pretty fun Halloween. We went to Bellevue Square to do some Trick or Treating, which could have been better seeing as Mikaelyn was tired and CRANKY, but it was fun none-the-less.

I was fortunate enough to be able to find a sitter for a bit on Halloween night before Anthony came home and got to go out with my friend Heather for a bit. All in all it was a fun night, but I'm glad it's over! :o)

Mikaelyn and her friend Asa

Mikaelyn doing her Daddy's pose...the *wink*

Miyoko (Asa's Mom), Me & Mikaelyn...Obviously Mikaelyn was tired...

Fairy SJ :o)

Me and my wonderful friend Heather

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA!!

2008-11-05T17:30:00.001-08:00

So, as you all know (or SHOULD know), Barack Obama was elected the 44th President last night!!! WOO HOO!!! I am BEYOND thrilled by these events and look forward to these next 4 years watching our nation change for the better!

Last night Anthony went out with some guys to watch the election stuff unfold while Mikaelyn and I went to dance class and then went on a date to Cafe Veloce, our favorite restaurant. Our eyes were glued to the TV at the restaurant, but still enjoyed our time and our noodles! YUM!

When we got home, we realized that he had just gone past 270 and was now our President Elect. Anthony called and we got all excited, but hung up before Mikaelyn had a chance to chime in...so she called him back and said..."HE WON DADDY! BARACK OBAMA WON!!!" Yes, my daughter knows who he is, who Michelle is and of course who his daughters are...she is VERY happy! :o)

Anyway, as I was watching Obama's speach and watching his family walk out on stage, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride and tears of joy started streaming down my face. I started thinking about what just happened, about the history that was just made...AMAZING! I feel like because of that very moment, my daughter who is mixed race will forever know that ANYTHING is possible! If you educate yourself, you work hard and treat people right, you can do anything and be anything that you desire! Barack Obama proved that beyond a shadow of doubt last night. It doesn't matter what your race is, or even your gender...work hard for what you want and the Lord will bless you!

I am one happy Mama today, for more reasons than one. Barack Obama's win is amazing, but what he proved to every minority is a bigger victory and I for one am proud to be an American!!

I VOTED!!

2008-10-29T14:49:00.001-07:00

So, I just had to share that I just dropped of my ballot at the post office this afternoon. Yes, I have been registered since I turned 18, but I had not yet voted. I was never informed and just didn't feel like it was necessary for ME to vote.
This year, however it is very different. Thank you to (or possibly just because of) Anthony, I am very well informed this election. Politics is on at our house just about 24/7 and I have learned SO much! I was SO excited to go through the ballot and fill in what I wanted. And I know that my vote DOES count!! This is the first time, but certainly NOT the last!!
So...my question to you is...have you voted?! If not, you NEED to!!!

Fabulous Friend in Town

2008-10-24T10:10:00.001-07:00

Last weekend, a good friend of mine, Nissa was in town with her 2 kiddos. Jaxson is 3 1/2 (same birthday as me!! GO ARIES, April 4th) and Lilly is about 8 months. I hadn't yet met Lilly and I could hardly wait to get that little baby in my arms.

Nissa and I have been friends for almost 10 years now and have been through amazing and amazingly difficult times together. Without getting too deep into her life (not trying to put her business on blast), Nissa had it all...or so it seemed! A wonderful fiance, a new baby, houses, cars, money...and within a few months, she was left with virtually nothing, but her beautiful son and a new little girl on the way (and a wonderful Mother who has always been there for her). I have seen her endure heartbreak after heartbreak and unimaginable pain, but through it all, she has had such a positive outlook on life and love and has been an incredible mother to her 2 GORGEOUS children! Not to mention that this girl is one of the most non-judgemental people I have ever met. Even through all of her trials, she has been there for me to give me advice or just to listen to me. She is loyal and unselfish and I love her deeply! I am so thankful for her and I hope that ALL of you have at least 1 friend (other than a spouse) that will be there for you NO MATTER WHAT! I have that and I am blessed.

While she was in town, we went to Chuck E Cheese, Coulon Beach Park and to the Stocker Farms Pumpkin patch. Mikaelyn and Jaxson just got along so well and Mikaelyn can't stop talking about Lilly and was such a good little mother to her. I only wish they lived closer so the kids could play more often and I could have one of my best friends closer, to be able to talk to her in person!! I love you Niss!!! xoxox

Note to self: Don't try to take a group shot after playing at Chuck E Cheese for 2 hours with 3 children and NO NAPS!!!

Mikaelyn & Lilly...she was such a good psuedo Mommy!

Me & Lilly...look at that face?! And Nissa makes the headbands & hats...they're the new thing!

My lady Nissa & I...I think she's the greatest!

Mikaelyn & Jaxson...new BFF's!

Mikaelyn wanted me to take this picture because she's wearing her horsey tights and hammering the nails...just like Papa does. She thought Papa would LOVE this picture!

She got her face painted. What else, a "dark pink" heart!

The hamster wheels at Stocker Farms! Mikaelyn & I won!! Nissa attributes it to my long legs!

So attractive! :o) I miss them!

Prayer is a WONDERFUL thing!

2008-10-22T20:07:00.000-07:00

Thank you to those of you that prayed for me yesterday and/or today! I can't tell you how much it means to me and it must be working b/c I am starting to feel quite a bit better today.

The issues that I have been dealing with are sadly nothing new to me. When you've been in a "unique" relationship like I have for 9 1/2 years, things become "normal" that shouldn't be and I had to make some strong statements (and actions) in order to try to come to a happy place. This process is going to take a long time, but more than anything, I am trying to save the family that I love and the family that I desire for all of us involved. I don't know what the future holds for Anthony & I...but I am trusting that the Lord will direct me and I am doing my best to look to Him for answers. That's not always easy to do when sometimes He doesn't give me the answers that I want, but I am really trying to listen carefully and obey. Sometimes it's hard to decifer though if it's Him or my heart talking...they sound so similar! :o)

On top of all of that, I have been dealing with a lot of nausea and stomach pain the last few months and finally went to the Dr. yesterday. With a small infection in my uterus (sorry if that's TMI, but it is what it is) and some upper G.I. pain (stress induced ulcer type situation), I was given 2 prescriptions and will hopefully be on my way to feeling better soon. Lord willing.

Today I had a wonderful time taking Mikaelyn to her very first school field trip to the Pumpkin Patch and we brought along a little girl that we're babysitting for today through Friday, about 5 hours each day, named Josie. Mikaelyn had a great time and we brought home 5 little pumpkins...I heard we were actually only supposed to take 1 home, but Mikaelyn had already set her mind on 5, and I wasn't about to deal with a meltdown with 2 kids! How you ladies handle 2 kids...wow, I have much more respect for you after 5 hours of have 2! :o)

Again, thank you so much for your prayers...keep them coming as I don't know what my future holds and I'm still trying to figure out if I made the right decision to continue in the life that we are...

Here are a few pictures of Mikaelyn at the Pumpkin patch.

She was digging for worms! (in a plastic pool set up by the farm). The funniest part about this picture is that right before this, she had accidentally dropped a little dirt on her shoes and just about FREAKED OUT!! I love how CLEAN my child likes to be! :o)

This would have been such a cute picture if she would have smiled...but this picture does show the little "attitude" that I deal with on a daily basis! Oh the joy of attitude, but like my Daddy says..."that's what you get"!

Mikaelyn and Josie, the little girl that we were babysitting.

Mikaelyn posing by the Sunflowers.

Just asking for prayer

2008-10-21T12:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and today have been very difficult for me. I am dealing with some personal issues that are very painful, confusing and scary. I don't know what the future holds for me and my family, but I know the Lord has His arms around us protecting us, but it is hard to feel that peace when I feel so much pain.
I am sure that in time, I will go deeper into the happenings as of late, but now, all I can ask for is that you pray for me. I need to know the Lord's grace and mercy and I long to feel peace about decisions that are needing to be made in my life.
I know the Lord loves me and I know that He will never give me anything that I can not handle...so in a way, maybe I should feel proud that He thinks I can handle all of this. But the reality of my life at this moment, is that I am hurting and I am just trying to make it to tomorrow, and to be strong for Mikaelyn.
I appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts! :o)
God Bless You!

Anybody want a Kitty?!

2008-10-16T11:54:00.000-07:00

I have come to the realization that I'm going to have to slim down my brood of cats...I'm VERY sad about this and actually having a very difficult time finding a place to surrender these sweet girls as all the no-kill rescue organizations are full.
So, I figured I'd see if anybody is interested in some sweet kitties. All potty trained, good with children and sweet tempered little girls. See my previous post for pictures. Asha, the black one will stay with us, but I think it's going to have to be the other 3 that I need to find homes for.
Sophie loves to be indoor/outdoor while Capri and Chloe prefer to be indoor only, although Capri used to be outdoor only, so she's versatile.
Let me know if you or someone you know might like a cat that is completely trained and again good with kids! :o)
I'm happy to help with purchasing a litter box or food or whatever is needed as long as I know these cats go to good homes.
They are an extension of my family and I have to tell you, I feel ILL over the fact that this is just not working! I was trying to be a good "Mom" to them and feel so sad that this is the outcome.
Let me know if you know someone, or even if you know an adoption organization that might have room for them.

New Carpet = New Life?!?!

2008-10-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

Well, in my case, yes, it certainly feels that way!

Last week we were able to get all new carpet throughout our home! THANK THE LORD!!! I feel like a brand new woman! :o)

So, over the last few years, I have accumulated a few animals...cats to be specific (and a rabbit). We have 4...I know, I know, it's a lot. But, I have a heart for animals and when I see them in their little cages at Petco or wherever, I just can't help but adopt!

Anyway, on of my sweet little girls (yes, they're ALL girls) decided to start urinating in the hallway...over and over and over and over again! If you know anything about cats, you know that their urine DOES NOT come out of carpet and even if it did, it's in the padding and they just keep going to the same spot. Well, there were about 6 spots in the hallway. I tried every thing to clean it, every possible carpet cleaner, boards up against the wall to try to cover them, it was awful. Ok, maybe that's too much information, but I'm just trying to give you an idea of WHY this was such an awesome thing to get new carpet!

So, the carpet was installed on Thursday and Friday and it gave me the opportunity to re-arrange everything. Mikaelyn's room is now her own little play room, but neat and tidy, just the way we like it. Our room is still calming and relaxing, and just feels so much better with the new carpet. The family room has been rearranged to make it look much more inviting and once we get the fires going is going to be AWESOME!! I'm re-covering my 4 dining room chairs later this evening, so that will make it that much nicer in there and will tie the red couch and red rug under the dining room table all together. I'm SO excited that my home feels like a "home" and not just a house. I feel as if I can really relax again and don't even want to leave, I just want to stay at home and vacuum! LOL!

Anyway, with all of this, now my concern is my 4 beautiful cats. My rabbit (Bianca) is outside and although I would LOVE to get rid of her, she is not very nice and if I were to give her to an organization, my feeling is that they would have to put her down b/c she will bite...that's not fair to her when she can just live on my deck and enjoy her life. But the cats on the other hand...oh man, I'm SO worried that they are going to go back to their old ways. One of them pooped in the hallway last night and all day today I have had a stomach ache fearing that it may be time to downsize. I've sent an email to MEOW Cat Rescue to see what the process is as I need to know that if I do have to get rid of some, that they will go to loving, caring homes and be able to live a happy life, like they have with us.

Now the issue is which ones?! I'm thinking I need to hand over 2 and it is making me ill trying to pick between them. All 4 of them have such special places in my heart and their own personalities. The 2 that I THINK I need to get rid of, I don't want to. Sophie, the one who urinated all over the hallway was one of mine that I adopted. She was abused as a kitten and although she is the sweetest little baby, she is a bit skidish and I worry what will happen if she has to change homes. Not to mention that she is the one that sleeps with Mikaelyn every single night. Carpi, the one that pooped last night, has been with me since 2002. She is the Mama of all of the girls and although I know she will thrive wherever she is, she has been through everything with me the last 6 years. The other 2, Chloe and Asha, haven't done anything wrong, and I just can't bare to get rid of them...Ughh, I'm sick over this...

Anybody have any ideas? Heck, anybody want one of my girls?! :o(

This is Capri (6 years old)

This is Chloe (2 1/2 years old)

This is Sophie (2 1/2 years old)

This is Asha (1 year old)

This is Bianca (5 1/2 years old)

A Weekend of...a lot of shopping!

2008-10-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

Mikaelyn and I had a fairly uneventful weekend. I seemed to do quite a bit of shopping, so while writing out a few checks today, I realized why I HATE shopping! Ha!

I go throught phases where I will go to a store and try on tons of clothes, maybe even keep a few in my arms for 30 minutes or so and then end up putting them back and walking out, feeling guilty about spending money on myself when my daughter will need a whole new wardrobe when the next season comes. Then the other phase is going to a store and buying the things I like because...well, because I want to! :o) Doesn't mean I don't still feel guilty, but I also get the feeling that buying myself things that I either desire or actually need is ok because I work hard for my money (I just got that song stuck in my head now after writing that) and every girl deserves a little luxury once in a while.

So, this weekend was one of those buy, buy, buy weekends. A few things for me and a few things for Mikaelyn. I'm sure all you Mother's reading this understand the need for new clothes at the beginning of school, fall, winter, spring, summer, and whatever else we get ourselves into with our kids. Mikaelyn is growing quickly and I realized that her fall/winter clothes from last year either don't fit at all or just look ragged. So, being the bargain shopper that I am (I pride myself of good deals), I found a few new sweaters, shirts, jammies, tights, boots and even a dress for her all at either Ross, Marshalls, or Fred Meyer (I know...kind of crazy that I would find something so cute at Fred Meyer). I had already bought a few pairs of jeans earlier in August/September from Costco, so she was ok in the pants area.

For me...well, I'm a shoe lover! :o) Recently I have gone a little crazy on the shoe buying, but I'm enjoying them thoroughly!!! Some are needed, but most are just for fun. Marshalls has been the recent place for me to buy. They have name brands that are at least 50% off the regular price. Maybe they're last year or last season's style, but I pick and choose carefully and as long as I can work em' ...that's all that matters! :o)

Mikaelyn decided to try one of each of my new pairs of shoes on to model...she loves heels and enjoys helping me pick out which shoes I'm going to wear every day with each outfit. She's a girl after my own heart...although I do believe she is going to cost me a lot of money in the future! :o)

Quick Update

2008-09-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

Just for all of you following...still no yelling! :o) Staying strong and keeping calm! YAY!

EXCITING NEWS!!

2008-09-26T17:05:00.000-07:00

For some of you, this may sound weird, silly or even unfathomable...but put yourself in a "single-mother's" perspective for a moment and maybe you'll be able to feel the excitement and thrill of today.

I received in the mail today, Mikaelyn's NEW birth certificate! The birth certificate with Anthony's name as the father and with her name legally hyphenated. (I'm just not ready to give up my last name if there isn't a ring on my finger!) :o)

When I found out that I was pregnant, it was a SHOCK to both myself and Anthony...let alone my family! (Birth control pills DO NOT always work, Mikaelyn is living proof of that) Without going into too much detail, throughout the pregnancy, I wasn't sure what Anthony's role would be in Mikaelyn's life as I left it completely up to him how he wanted to move forward. As the birth became closer and more eminent, Anthony started to feel the joy of what having a little girl would be and became very excited about being a Daddy to this little baby girl. Although we decided to co-parent as much as possible (seeing that he didn't live with us and had a busy schedule amongst other things), we also decided that to avoid having to deal with child support and such, we would leave his name off of the birth certificate.

Some may not understand my stance on child support, but I do not want a "pay check" father for my child...I want their time, care and love for my child...money is just money, love is EVERYTHING! Sadly, the State of Washington (and I'm sure many other states), make it very difficult for Father's when it comes to child support and I didn't want that to be a factor in whether my daughter had a father or a "dad". I never wanted her to be the victim of resentful feelings because of the money having to be given.

So for the last 4 years, Mikaelyn has not had anybody listed as her father. It's really not that big of a deal, but it was never far from my mind or my heart. I never felt like she was complete without that name legally on a piece of paper, even though she had a stay at home dad that showed and proved his love for her on a daily basis.

But, with my trip to Uganda coming up, I felt it necessary that I handle some "business" as far providing for my family was concerned. I got myself a life insurance policy in case anything happened to me, I'm also working on finally having my will drawn up and getting Anthony on the birth certificate was at the top of this list. If something happened to me, Mikaelyn would automatically go to my parents. Now, I don't have a problem with this as my parents LOVE Mikaelyn dearly and would raise her with the utmost care and concern for her well being...but I wouldn't want to uproot her and take her away from her Father and the life that she knows. Not now, not after everything we have worked towards the last 4 years. Now, if this happened, Anthony could fight for her (which he would), but he would have to go through hoops to prove paternity and then all kinds of things that I would never want to not only put Mikaelyn through, but make him go through after losing me and possibly losing his daughter.

This may sound all a bit morbid, but when you have a child, you HAVE to think of the future and you have to prepare for the worst at some point.

So, with all of these things in mind, we finally decided to sign the paternity affadavit to prove that Anthony is the father!! After mailing it in a few weeks ago and paying the small fee to not only add him, but to legally hyphenate her name (she can decide what she wants to go by when she grows up), I recieved her "Certificate of Live Birth" today in the mail!

I am beyond thrilled to finally have documentation for my little girl. I feel relieved that if anything were to happen to me, that my family would be taken care of and that there is NO QUESTION who my daughter is and who she belongs to.

Today is a good day...and I'm going to go celebrate with Mikaelyn Joy Groenink-Hodge! :o)

Here we are...The Groenink-Hodge Family! :o)

6 days and counting...

2008-09-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

Having a 4 year old is not always the easiest of things to handle every day, all day. But these last 6 days have been SO much better than any other consecutive 6 days that I have had in a very long time.
Last Thursday evening while Anthony was at work, Mikaelyn and I sat on her bed and had our 1st REAL "Heart to Heart" talk. We talk all the time and we discuss situations and issues often, but this one was different. We sat on the bed holding hands talking about how we are both struggling with our "attitudes". I have found myself to have 2 levels of talking...normal, happy talking and yelling. And Mikaelyn, at this age is really starting to talk back, thinking she's being silly, when in actuality, it's becoming a bit disrespectful, not only to Anthony & I, but it's filtering into her classes and I don't want to have her being disrespectful to her teachers or her classmates.
I never thought I would be that Mom that was yelling all the time, but I found myself getting SO frustrated that she is going through these phases, I didn't know how else to cope. Yelling seemed to give me a sort of release that for a quick moment made me feel better. But I realized when I went to bed every night that the yelling actually made me feel worse b/c I HATE to see my daughter flinch b/c my voice is raised or cry b/c she feels I'm being mean or that I'm mad at her.
Now, let me put this into a perspective so I don't sound like I'm a "softy". Children need to be disciplined and it is imperative that they know who is boss, but there are other ways to go about this then to yell and scream at them b/c really, what does that accomplish?! Well, I found out...it accomplishes NOTHING!
Somone once told me that you need to keep your 'yelling voice' for those times when it is important to yell, such as to scream "GOOD JOB" when they're playing in a soccer game, or better yet, to yell at them if they're in danger of some sort (say a car coming at them in the street). To yell for no reason, or just because I'm frustrated, is no reason to yell at all. And like I said before, the feeling of release of that frustration is only for a moment...then your heart speaks to you and you feel badly for making the poor child feel bad when really, they're learning every day what is right and wrong, and it's our job as parents to teach them those things...not to scream them at them!
So, Mikaelyn and I discussed how it upsets her when I yell and I told her that I am going to really have to work at it, and I may make mistakes, but that I am going to do my very best to not yell at her anymore. I explained to her that if she was naughty, that she would still need to be disciplined b/c that is what Mom's and Dad's do to help teach them the right things to do, but that I was going to try my hardest not to yell. I also told her that if I DID yell, that she should say to me, "Mommy, please don't yell". We also discussed her attitude and the things that she needed to change, such as the talking back. She said she would try hard and that if she did talk back that I could say, "Mikaelyn, please don't talk back and please be respectful". And again, we discussed punishment if she was not able to follow these rules.
So, today, Wednesday is Day 6 of NOT yelling!!! YAY!!!
It may sound terrible and hopefully nobody thinks I'm a terrible Mom for being a "yeller", but hopefully what you'll see through this experience is that we learn by our mistakes. And that is precisely what I am trying to do. I'm not saying I will never yell, b/c these things just happen at times, but I am working hard every day to make our home calmer and therefore more pleasant to be a part of.
Although Mikaelyn is still working on her attitude, I mean, come on, she is only 4 and still testing the waters...I have already seen a dramatic improvement in our communication! We will have road bumps here and there, but I think this is one that is getting smoother every day!
So, here's to the next 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months and 6 years of lowering my voice and communicating with my child! It's what she deserves!!!

Busy Fall...

2008-09-19T14:18:00.001-07:00

I have thought many times about sitting down and "blogging", but for one reason or another, I just haven't done it...no excuses.

The "fall" so far has been fairly busy for us. We started it out by a last minute weekend trip to Long Beach, WA to stay at a cottage owned by one of the lady's I work for. The trip itself was something we needed and enjoyed thoroughly. Other than the "sneaker wave" that attacked us and made me drop my camera, took Anthony's iPod out to sea, not to mention soaked us and everything we had on the sand. After the initial shock, we realize how hilarious it was, but also how expensive or an encounter it was...oh well, we are all safe and THAT is what really matters.

The week we returned from the ocean (after staying an extra day because we just didn't want to leave), Mikaelyn started Preschool at a Montessori school about 4 minutes from home and also about 4 minutes from my work. She will be going Thursday and Friday afternoons and so far, she just ADORES it! We have also started her in gymnastics, dance (ballet & tap) and she will start soccer next week. That gives her an activity, or school Monday through Friday...meaning my taxi cab skills are kicking into high gear. She loves being out of the house and meeting new friends.

The only downfall is that a few of the days she can no longer take a nap...this has been a difficult adjustment. Some of my friends have told me that their kids just stop taking naps when they turned 3 or 4 or whenever, but not my child! She takes a nap religiously at 1pm every day! She will sleep anywhere from 1 1/2 to 3 hours! She's doing ok, but just having to go to bed earlier than normal and I'm having to keep her a bit more busy in the evenings so that she doesn't doze off.

On top of all of Mikaelyn's activities, I am still working hard, and trying to keep up the household...it seems as if the chores are going by the wayside though...oh well, I'll catch up sooner or later! Looks like we'll be getting brand new carpet in our apartment...so I'm waiting until that happens...ahh, excuses! :o)

The parties are over...

2008-08-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

This weekend was...well...interesting.
We finally celebrated Mikaelyn's Birthday party with her friends yesterday. Of course, it POURED down rain, as should be expected when you plan an outdoor party...gotta love Seattle weather! UGHH!
Regardless, the kids had a GREAT time and still played in the play area in the rain! They were all soaked, but they didn't care!
As for the rest of the party...well, let see...the cake was BEAUTIFUL, until it realized how humid it was outside and the top layer literally slid off. Luckily it was still in the box so it didn't fall OFF of the cake, but it certainly didn't make it look good. Oh well, it still tasted good! The pizza was good, the chips were good until THEY realized how humid it was (yes, it's humid in Seattle) and kind of got soggy. So, it was a bit stressful on top of all the rain. But, Mikaelyn's dad came to the rescue with a few bottles of wine for us and I seemed to calm down a bit.
All in all, besides the issues stated above, it was a great party & Mikaelyn had a GREAT time!
I'm glad it's over, but feel like somehow, it was pulled off! :o)
Outside of the party, I went and visited Eastlake Community Church in Bothell on Friday for a girlfriends baptism and really enjoyed it, so I went back on Sunday for the morning church service and really liked what I heard. So, we'll see, I might add it on to my places to check out on a more regular basis, we'll see.
This week is looking fairly calm, which is good. Tomorrow we're going to Mikaelyn's montessori school for an open house, so that will be fun and hopefully she'll really start getting excited for school!! Only a few more weeks! YAY!
So, that's about it for now. It's raining again, so I think we're gonna get cozy and just relax tonight after a long weekend!
Just praying for a calm and relaxing week...I NEED IT!

FRIDAY...FINALLY!

2008-08-22T09:53:00.000-07:00

All I really wanted to say was that...THANK GOODNESS IT'S FRIDAY! This has been a LONG week and I just know it's going to be a long weekend with Mikaelyn's Birthday party on Sunday!
Tonight we're going to my friend Brenda's baptism and Eastlake Community Church and I'm really looking forward to that. I think we have a pretty easy day tomorrow...probably should clean..."Should" being the key word. Then Sunday, we have church and then I have to try to put everything together for Mikaelyn's party.
We had to change the venue as the weather really doesn't look like it's supposed to hold up too well...but I'm ok with it.
A few days after I sent out the invitations to everybody, Anthony told me that he had found this really cool spot that would be PERFECT for a birthday party etc. etc. I was like, REALLY?! You couldn't have told me BEFORE I sent the invites out?! UGHH! Anyway, he took me by the place and he was RIGHT, it's PERFECT! AND, undercover. So, given the fact that the weather is supposed to "drizzle" as we say in WA, I emailed everyone and told them the new venue. It's a park called Grasslawn Park which I remember going to as a little girl with the church. They have re-done everything and this area that we're going to be in is a building that opens up completely and there are tables inside and outside so it's very open, yet covered. Just outside of the building is a play area for the kids, a basketball hoop and a large grassy area for the kids to play. I think it's going to be perfect and with as many kids that are going to be there (I think 8) plus adults, it will be wonderful! I can hardly wait and I'm extra happy that Anthony will be able to make it to this party. Life is different for us these days and I know that it will be very special for Mikaelyn to have both of us there this year! :o)
I have the decorations (ALL dark pink...of course) and ordered the cake (Sleeping beauty...of course) and just have to have the pizza picked up of Sunday...the kids will play, the adults will chat and it will be a good time! I'm excited!
So, have a wonderful weekend and I'll post more pictures of the party next week!
Be Blessed...

An update on Uganda

2008-08-20T10:27:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to give a quick update to those that are interested in my Uganda trip. Due to my leader coming home from Sudan with an unknown virus (in the infectious diseases unit at UW Medical for a few days), we have had to postpone the trip. We originally were thinking that we would go in late January until we talked to the people with Action International (The organization we're working with). They said that January/February is the HOT SEASON meaning it's about 120 degrees a day. They said that the African's don't even move as they're just trying to survive the heat and on top of that, it's just a petrie dish for disease & sickness...so we don't want to do that!
So, because of this, it looks like the trip is now set for March 27-April 10. So, I'll be in Africa over my Birthday, but seriously, how cool is that?!
Initially I was disappointed as I am just SO looking forward to this trip, but now, as I think about it, this can only benefit us! We'll have more time to raise funds and prepare our hearts, minds and spirits for what the Lord is going to do with us.
What is so interesting to me is that originally I had decided against going to Uganda, back in May. My leader (Ray) had said, come to a meeting and bring the application and if we're interested in future dates, just write that on top of the application...so that's exactly what I did. I wrote "INTERESTED IN FUTURE DATES" on the top of my completed application. Then, throughout the meeting, I felt the sense that I need to go on THIS trip, with THESE people...and now look at this...I'm going on THIS trip at a future date! Isn't God creative?! How awesome is that!!!

Birthday Pictures!

2008-08-18T17:21:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th Birthday to Mikaelyn!

2008-08-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

4 years ago today...I can NEVER forget that day! The Lord blessed me with the most incredible gift, my beautiful daughter Mikaelyn!! I find my self reminiscing quite a bit today. It's as if I that day was just yesterday, August 18, 2004.

The past 4 years have been amazing, difficult, wonderful, frustrating, incredible and life changing. Each day has it's new trials and tribulations but I can not even begin to express my love for this little girl that is everything I never knew I wanted!

As a little girl I told my Mother that I would NEVER have kids...never wanted them, and would never have them! After I found out I was pregnant, everything changed and all it took was to hear this little angel's heartbeat when she was still in my belly. It was as if, at that very moment, the Lord cleared my head and told me that this was my purpose in life...to be this little girl's ever lovin' mother (as my Mom and I say sometimes).

Today, Mikaelyn woke up and was SO excited for it to be her Birthday, finally! She decided that she wanted to go to work with Mommy (only a 4 year old would want to go to work for their birthday! ha). She's now resting (going on 3 hours) and then we'll all get up and Mama, Daddy & 4 year old will go to dinner together. Mikaelyn & I made a chocolate cake yesterday and in just a bit we're going to mix up the frosting to make it "DARK PINK" (her FAVORITE color). It's going to be a great night!!

Anyway, all this to say, I LOVE my daughter and I feel so honored to be given the opportunity to be her care taker, mentor and best of all, family! I only pray that I can be as good of a mother as my mom was to me. What a true blessing to be a part of Mikaelyn life! I am truly, truly blessed!!!!

Party 1 of 3

2008-08-07T15:15:00.000-07:00

The Crazy Birthday Girl...well 2 weeks early Birthday Girl! :o)

Christian, Ilona, Mikaelyn, Kaiser & Eva

Chocolate cupcakes with "dark pink" frosting!

My Boober Schmoober & I (That's my nickname for her...no idea where it came from)

We started Mikaelyn's 4th Birthday out 2 weeks early...I know, I know...but, there was good reason. My sister Melissa and her husband Lance, along with their 2 boys (Kaiser 4 1/2 & Christian almost 3) are moving to Eugene, OR this week. Also, My older Brother Jason and his wife Andrea along with their 2 girls (Ilona 6 & Eva almost 4) will be headed to California to see Andrea's parents (and they used to live there for 10 years) during Mikaelyn's REAL Birthday party. I used it as an excuse to get the kids together. They ADORE each other and it's sad that for the last year, all of us have been within 15 minutes of driving time but with the hustle and bustle of life, the kids haven't had too much opportunity to play together. I'm not sure when the next time will be that they will be able to play again, but I wanted to make sure that they had 1 last night. They were amazing together and actually stood up for each other. A 'big girl' was not being nice to Kaiser and between Eva and Mikaelyn, that girl KNEW where she stood in our family! HA! Both of the girls gave her so much attitude, I mean hand on the hip, shaking their pointer finger telling her that they weren't happy that she and her friends were mean to their cousin! Man, I'm telling you...Blood IS thicker than water!
Anyway, these are a few of the pictures I got and can't wait for Mikaelyn's party with everybody else! I really can't believe she's almost 4...it's unbelievable!!

Wow! Comments?!

2008-08-07T15:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, so last night, I was on a friends blog for the first time. See, I have a few that I read on a "regular" basis and just realizing now how MANY people have blogs. I'm such a novice at this stuff and I went onto this lady's blog (Joy) and it was FABULOUS! There are pictures, and links and all this good stuff and I feel like a total moron having NO CLUE what the heck I'm doing! HA!
Anyway, so I came on my blog today and I was wondering when the last time was that I wrote...as I went to my posts, I see that I have comments...LOVE IT! Ha Ha! Too funny b/c I honestly didn't think anybody would read my blog and that is super fun for me! So thanks Abbey and Jenni! For those of you that don't know those 2 ladies...we go WAY back...and yet we have only seen each other probably once or twice since we graduated high school. Abbey & I were best friends for many years and my most fond memory of her is in 6th grade I went to her house and we cleaned and cleaned and CLEANED it all out! Obviously, her Mom LOVED me! Lol! Now Abbey's mother-in-law lives in my same complex (6-plex) and yet we still haven't been able to meet each others children...I'm pretty sure we need to make that happen! :o)
As for Jenni...I can't even remember when we met, but we ended up cheering together in High School, were in Choir together and probably got into some trouble together. Now Jenni is a wonderful wife and Mother (little boy & expecting) and works her booty off for the Lord! And, I know all of this from her blog, facebook, myspace, you name it! :o)
Anyway, all of this to say, I think it's cool that people are actually reading this as I have gone through some pretty difficult situations this past month. Your kind words are so appreciated and even more so are your prayers!
So...I guess that's my post for the day. :o) Hopefully someday I'll figure out how to make this thing cool and exciting...but for now, I'll just post what's on my heart and maybe basic is best for me! :o)
To Abbey & Jenni...I think you ladies are fabulous and even through the time, distance and life's complications, I feel proud to call you ladies friends. Friends in the past, present & future. Now LET'S GET TOGETHER AND CATCH UP! :o)

What a Week...

2008-08-01T21:51:00.000-07:00

I'm telling you...this has been one of the most difficult weeks I have had in quite a while. Emotionally I am completely drained!!! Honestly, I can't even put into words the feelings I am having, the emotions that are running through my body other than to say...I know that the Lord gives us stuggles to make us stronger and I know that He is trying to teach me something...but really, I would love to sit face to face with Him right now and ask Him WHY WHY WHY!!!
I'm actually really glad that the month of July is over, it's been such a rollercoaster with everything that has happened in my life, I'm ready to start fresh with August.
For those who haven't yet heard, my Uganda trip has been postponed. Initially, I was very disappointed as not only will I not be in Africa soon, but I will not be able to see my parents for a while. But as I prayed about it and talked to my family, I've realized that this can only benefit not only myself, but our team as far as fundraising goes and preparing our minds, hearts and body's for this journey. We had a meeting last night and I said to my leader, Ray that it's interesting how creative Christ is...when I turned in my application for this Mission trip, I wrote on the top of the application "interested in future dates" as I didn't think I would be able to do the September/October trip...as that meeting progressed, I really felt that the Lord was telling me to go on THIS trip...well, here we are and THIS trip is going at a "future date"...isn't that cool?!?! I think it is! :o)
So, it looks like it will be the end of January and I can hardly wait! I'm working on ideas for fundraising for our team and look forward to getting to know everybody on our team better through this experience!
On top of that, work has been busy (which is a blessing in Real Estate) and I'm busy trying to get my mind organized for Mikaelyn's birthday coming up in just a little over 2 weeks. Anthony and I are faithfully working with Mikaelyn on her attitude and adjusting our disciplining and reactions to this little firecracker of a lady's behavior. 3 has been a challenging year, but all in all, Mikaelyn is such a gem and I am so proud of her strong will and outgoing attitude...I'm definitely a proud mother.
As far as me...I'm dealing with quite a bit internally...a lot of thinking about where I am personally, where I want to be in my relationships and how it is that I can better myself and help to better those around me. It's a daily struggle within my heart to figure out where I should be as opposed to where I WANT to be...so I ask for your prayer that the Lord would cover me with His protection and Love as I struggle to figure out why some things happen to good people.
So, here's to the weekend...celebrating one of my best friend's, Liz's birthday tomorrow evening and then Church on Sunday and possibly an open house on Sunday afternoon! Seafair weekend is here and I'm thankful that I will be AT HOME or at the least, away from the traffic!! :o)
Much love...

A Rollercoaster of Emotions...

2008-07-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

A bunch of us at Alexis & Simon's Wedding
Me, Ron, Charissa, Jayme & Melissa

I haven't been able to sit down and write about the recent events only because I feel like if I write it...then it's REALLY true...

But it is time and the reality is what it is!!

So, as you read in my previous post, Curtis' body was found on Sunday, July 13th.

This past Sunday July 20th, he was remembered in what has to be one of the most incredible Memorial Services I have attended. It took place at City Church in Kirkland at 3:30 in the afternoon. It was in the small chapel just outside of the Main sanctuary. If was filled to capacity and more. People lining the side of the chapel to pay their respects. People were able to share their memories and although some brought tears, a few brought laughs and fond memories of who Curtis really was and the smile that he had which was just infectious! The Pastor spoke of how Curtis KNEW the Lord and KNEW that He was the only way to get to Heaven...he gave everyone the opportunity to know more about WHO Christ was and WHAT He was all about and from the sound of it, quite a few people lifted their heads in acknowledgment that they either wanted to make that decision or they wanted to know more about this God that Curtis Loved...the ONLY God!! What an AWESOME opportunity to witness to those that were hurting!! The people that came were so diverse in so many ways and I believe that if there were another man up there speaking, who KNEW about the people in the room, or their lifestyles etc. that they may have held back with the "God" aspect, or been too cautious and this Pastor, Pastor Aaron Haskins, didn't hold back AT ALL!! He told it like it is, that if you don't know Jesus, and you don't give your heart to him as your Savior, you WILL NOT go to Heaven!! It's harsh, but it is the TRUTH!!! It was incredibly moving!!

Then there was a slideshow tribute which was absolutely perfect. There was a picture of Curtis and I, that honestly, I look at every day, but to see it in his "Memorial Tribute Slideshow", it made me weep like I have not done for quite some time. There was a beautiful picture of Anthony and Curtis as well and I was so thankful that at least he was able to be in the slideshow even though he couldn't be at the service. Anthony is dealing with this loss in his own personal way and maybe I don't quite understand it, but I know that he feels the loss and is dealing with it the only way he knows how.

During the slideshow, Curtis' 2 daughters, Kirsten (16) and Sidney (12) wept audibly which of course just broke my heart!! What I found out after the service was that nobody informed either of his daughters, their mothers or anybody in his family that he was even missing...they knew NOTHING until Sunday evening July 13th, when they got the call that he had been missing, was now found, but had not survived. I question how I feel about this...should his daughters have known? Would it have helped the incredible BLOW to them that their Father had died? Or was it better that they not have to go through the pain & confusion of knowing that he was missing? His 16 year old daughter is pregnant, due in October with a little boy...I didn't realize this until the reception, so not only did Curtis leave behind an incredible large family, a son (18 - in Mississippi) and these 2 beautiful daughters, but he was about to be a Grandfather at 36...it's just TRAGIC!!! Completely Tragic!! As she sat at the reception, she said that she couldn't think of boys names and then out of the blue said, "well, maybe I'll name him Curtis". How sweet...

I have fond, wonderful memories of Curtis that I will cherish always...and honestly, I am still reeling with the emotions of the fact that he is gone, that I will never again see him on this earth. But, I do find peace and strength in knowing that I will see him in Heaven and what a great time it will be to hang out with him again in paradise! :o)

As for the rest of my weekend, it was a rollercoaster of emotion as Saturday evening I celebrated my old roommate and friend, Alexis and Simon's wedding. It was such a unique ceremony and a great time to just hang out with old friends. (see photos above)

So, from the highest high to the lowest low, it was quite the weekend and I am still paying for it after having some sort of flu bug or something the last few days...and dealing with an almost 4 year old that missed her Mommy since I was basically gone all weekend. It was nice to take the day off yesterday, even if I was sick, laying in bed...I got to spend it with Mikaelyn and I think both of us enjoyed that!

Thank you to all of you that prayed for Curtis while he was missing and your continued prayers for those that were touched by his life and are mourning the loss. I am so appreciative for your kind words, and your prayers!

To Curtis, you are missed by so many, but I know that you are happier now than ever and in that knowledge, I smile that you are with our Lord!!